Life. Love. Family. My Perfect Imperfection.

Friday, February 22, 2013

IRL, my existence is

quite lonely.

Sad, right? I am not writing this for a pity party, or anything of that sort. More so to see if I'm the only person like this, and to give others some perspective, some insight on my life. 

My typical week (which is seriously probably 50 weeks out of the year) goes something like this:
Sunday: Go to Mass if we all make it up in time and are in decent moods, drive home, sit at home or maybe go to a store and walk around with Jason and the kids. Possibly go out for a cheap meal. Watch TV. Go to bed.
Monday: Get up, shower, make breakfasts/lunches. Drive the kids to school, go home and sit with Jackson, clean the house, watch tv, etc. Pick the kids up, go home, cook dinner. Watch TV. Go to bed. Throughout the day, go online.
Tuesday: Repeat
Wednesday: Rinse, Lather, Repeat (seeing a pattern yet? LOL), except throw in a couple of hours of babysitting now.
Thursday: Same as Monday.
Friday: All of the above, plus I do the budget. Every other week I try to do the grocery shopping with just Jack, which usually entails 2-3 stores and several hours. Sometimes that's not done till Saturday, or even Sunday on occasion.
Saturday: Take the boys back and forth to Catechism, most weeks, and then usually we end up just sitting at home the rest of the day, unless there is some special thing going on.

Holidays are special because we always go to see family, so that's always out of the norm.

I haven't gone out with a friend for coffee, or lunch in 18 months. And before that, I don't think ever. When we go to Mass, we get there right at the start (if not a couple of minutes late :( ) and leave right after, and since they don't really ever have fellowship Sundays or things like that, I don't know anybody from our Parish. Well except in passing, like the boys' teachers, our priest and deacon, the religious education director and a couple moms that happen to have daughters in Alex's class. I don't even think any of them know my first name. Is that their fault? I suppose not. There's no "moms' group" or anything.

Since we've lived here, we've been to one of Jason's co-workers houses once to hang out last summer, we have asked another to watch our dog when we took a mini-vacation, and had my one friend over with her boys for dinner one time. In 3 and a half years. 

Even when I did work, back in MD, and then in OH, I didn't do anything outside of work or home really. Sometimes in Maryland, my friend Jill and I would get together, and while we had fun, in all honesty it was mostly play-dates for E and her daughter. I think we may have gone out once in almost 4 years of living there. 

Boring.

This part has nothing to do with loneliness but I don't buy clothes or shoes, for myself, unless it's an absolute necessity. I just don't find it worth it. I own 3 pairs of jeans right now, and that's it. Several shirts that get rotated each week (read: 8 or 9!). My pj's consist of old t-shirts that just aren't suitable for public sight, LOL - stains, etc and sweatpants/pajama pants. I own 2 dresses that I bought back in 2007 for my S-I-L Confirmation and I usually wear those to Mass, 2 or 3 dresses that no longer fit :( and 2 skirts that I'd wear but I have no "dress" shirts to go with them. I own one pair of black heels that I wear whenever I dress up, a few pairs of flip-flops for summer and  pair of sketchers shape-ups that I wear daily (even in the winter!) and have had at least 2 years now. My coat is about 5 years old, and I almost replaced it this year, but the one I wanted, they were out of my size locally and I didn't want to spend double ($120) on it online. I know, I probably sound cheap. I really do buy my clothes at Meijer. I haven't spend more than $15-20 on jeans or a shirt in a very long time, and when I did, it was only once I think, at Torrid. I actually splurged and spent $80 on some stupid jeans and they didn't even last as long as many of the ones I've gotten at Meijer!

I don't wear makeup. I don't see the point really. Jason doesn't mind and I'm sensitive to many of the ingredients anyway. Mascara and eyeshadow make my eyes itch and burn something fierce. I honestly can not get lipstick to look right, I haven't found a shade that looks good on me. Generally, the only jewelry I wear is my wedding ring and occasionally I'll wear a necklace. I have my ears pierced 3 times, but never even wear earrings anymore. I don't paint my nails (and even if I did, it would look like crap!). The last time I got my hair cut, I had it trimmed a couple of months ago, but usually it's a year or more in between because it feels like such a waste of money. It's not like I ever do anything with it anyway. Wash, condition, brush. Every day. It won't hold a curl, even with a can of spray. I don't even remember the last time I had it in a ponytail, haha. It's getting really long now though. Basically I'm not a fashionista, and I'm not into beauty "stuff". I don't have time, expertise, or the money to deal with it. 

I literally do nothing. I mean, I do stuff. I clean (sometimes, HA), cook, take care of the kids, watch tv, read, blog, facebook, etc. But when I leave the house, it's to take the kids to school, catechism, the doctor/dentist, or to go grocery shopping or to a restaurant with the family. We don't have a date night. Ever. We don't have a babysitter. Period. It's like a vacation to go visit our parents 2 hours away or my sister down in Columbus. Just to be around other people, other adults. I love Jason very much, but sometimes it's a drag to not have anybody to just hang out with and do stuff with besides him, or even go on a date with him.

Like I said though, I'm not trying to complain. I just don't think people understand where I'm coming from. I REALLY don't have any friends (at least that live close enough to just go visit) or a support system nearby besides Jason. My son's poor teacher is about the closest thing I have to a "coffee break" and only because when I get there each morning, I talk her ear off for 10 minutes or more. I'm surprised she hasn't reported me for stalking! LOL. Luckily, she's nice and has pity on this SAHM. Now I'm not saying all SAHMs are this way. I'm sure it's just me. I also don't think having a job would help. If I did, I would never see Jason, because we'd work opposite shifts so we wouldn't have to pay for daycare for Jack, let alone find someone we trust. I would probably have to work weekends, due to my skill set and experience. Plus, at work, I'm all about work, not making friends or socializing really. So I still wouldn't have friends or whatever.

I don't even know what the whole point of this post is. Sometimes, you just get a bug stuck in you, and you have to get it out, ya know? Whatever. It doesn't matter. It just is