Change can be hard

even if and when it is needed. Sometimes, the desired change is better in theory than in action.

And, sometimes, maybe, just maybe, that change is much easier than anticipated.

Thankfully, this has been one of those times.

Let me set the stage. Explain how it all started. Way back in January (ha!), I made up a list of goals for each of the boys. Including Jackson. Knowing full well that all of his personal goals for the year would be implemented by mom and dad. Knowing at least a few were huge life changes for such a little guy.

Fast forward to Friday, sometime before 4am, the bazillionth time of Jack waking up, and me just moving him to our bed so I *selfishly* - my words - could get a little more sleep. The kicking, and squirming, and hands in the face started. Not really an ideal situation for any of the three of us to get more sleep. Jason spouted off to me - as nicely as he could for 4am while tired - that I really need to just put him back in his bed, etc. I lost it, telling him, yes that would be nice but he is wide awake now, hates the crib, etc. A *ahem* disagreement ensued, until about 10 mins or so later, Jackson and I headed to the living room to read 9 books (yes I counted!) and then watched Sprout for a bit.

6am rolls around, and Jason is ready to walk out the door and another small discussion occurs. I'm at my wit's end. I just want ALL of us to be happy, comfortable and sleeping well. Jackson doesn't really have a "schedule" when it comes to sleep. I'm tired of sleeping on the couch with him several partial nights a week and Jason doesn't want him in our bed because then he can't sleep for work and school.

After taking the boys to school, Jackson and I got to work. I sorted through the closet and all the garage sale/donation items still in the guest bedroom to make a list for next year's taxes, and placed all the bags and boxes for donation on the front porch temporarily. Then I moved the queen mattress, and box spring to the family room, as it was too heavy to move anywhere else alone. After taking apart the bed frame (just a simple metal frame), and moving that also, Jackson's clean clothes were moved from his dresser to the identical dresser already inside of his closet that was being used for storage. He doesn't have a lot of clothes to hang up, so it's perfect. With how heavy the dresser is, I like it out of his reach. He can't yet open the folding closet doors, so that's a blessing. Since the first dresser was now empty, it was also sat in the family room. Next was Ethan's desk, which got completely cleaned out and sorted through, before finding it's new home - also in the family room, but the only thing moved that will stay there. 3 trash bags and lots of heavy furniture later, the room was almost completely empty. We have a small wooden bedside table that we left, but removed the door and latch from so now it's a good cubby or possibly bookshelf for Jack.

In need of a new bed for Jack, as I know how much he dislikes the crib, he and I searched online and came across a Disney Pixar's Cars bed for less than $70! We are still going to use the crib mattress, and he loved the bed. It turns out Toys R Us carries the bed, as well as the right size bedding also in the Cars theme, so I ordered them to be picked up in store that day. We had to wait until after school to go get them, and when we did we also got another baby gate and a light-up Cars wall art.

When Jason got home, boy, was he surprised to see me putting together a new bed in an almost empty room, as he had no clue what I had planned. He had to help me finish, as it was a bit more difficult than I anticipated, but was a breeze with his help. Thankfully he also made some fish sticks and fries for the boys for a quick dinner.

After the boys had eaten, and we had our own dinner of Zen Salmon and a side salad, it was time to have Jackson check out his room. We moved some toys in there and made his bed all up for him. He climbed right in and laid down for a second. Since he wasn't sure what to think, and said "not bedtime, mommy" I figured, oh boy, this isn't going to be very easy, but we shall see...

Much to my surprise, come 9pm, he willingly went to his room, climbed in bed (coolest part for him I think!) and laid down. "Blanket, pweese, mommy?" All snuggled up, with his monkey by his side, we read a few books, and his eyes got heavy with sleep. After several slow blinks, his eyes opened no more, so I stood to leave after a few more minutes and finishing the book we had started, to ensure he was asleep. I shut off the light, and up popped his little head, with a frantic little voice saying "no mommy! turn on light!" I instead turned on his wall art, and went back to his bedside and sang several nursery rhymes, before running out and resorting to amazing grace and jingle bells :) This time he was surely asleep. I just had to quietly "sneak" out the door, and over the newly placed baby gate (he can open the door, and we don't want him to wander to the basement stairs or something in the dark, his door stays open, we can clearly hear him, and any of us, including his brothers, if need be, can easily lift him out in an emergency.) So now it's 9:30, and he's fast asleep in his own bed, in his own room, and the other two boys are ready for bed too. After "good night's" all around, even mama is tired and heads to bed. I figured I'd be up in a couple of hours with an unhappy toddler.

Well I was right about being up, but very wrong about the reason. He stayed fast asleep. I, however, woke up almost every two hours, worried, and had to peak in on him! He did wake once at 4, needing a diaper change, but it was sort of funny how it happened. I had woken for what felt like the umpteenth time, but just to use the bathroom myself, and on my way there, I walk right by his door. I heard a faint voice talking inaudibly, and then the unmistakable "mommy, diaper? MOMMY, diaper change, pweese?" I quietly entered his room, changed his diaper without taking him out of his bed and therefore barely disturbing him. I don't even think he opened his eyes, and he went right back to sleep until just before six.

Talk about change! I thought, oh it MUST be a fluke. Surely, this barely 25 month old little boy who has needed to cuddle almost every night of his life, couldn't possibly be growing up so much so fast! I mean, he stop nursing less than 2 months ago, had his second birthday just over 6 weeks ago, had thumb surgery on Monday and freaked out a bit after waking from the anesthesia, crying uncontrollably for me until they came and got me - thankfully only a couple of minutes - and now he was willingly going to bed in his own bed. AND sleeping through the night?! Impossible!!

Wow. I've been a fool. I honestly didn't think he was ready. Apparently, having his own "real" bed - as well as room - was what he needed. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to buy him a bed a couple of months ago at a mom-to-mom sale, but Jason had said nah, we didn't need it because he didn't have his own room, he just needed to sleep in the crib. Well we were BOTH wrong. Me for not thinking he was ready, and Jas for thinking the crib was just as good or better than a big boy bed.

Last night went smoothly as well. After watching Free Birds, and having pizza for dinner, Jackson got a quick bath before we sat and watched Ender's Game, during which he bounced back and forth between mom and dad, and even went to lay down for a few minutes. He wasn't ready to fall asleep though and wanted some cuddle time with Jason, during which he fell asleep. After the movie was over, Jason was able to lay him down without waking him - let me tell you what, it's much easier in a small bed than into a crib! - and he slept until about 4am again! After a diaper change, I sang him back to sleep until just after 6 when he woke up yelling "mommy, daddy, move gate?? PWEESE??" Instead, E decided to go in there and play cars and trains and go-go's with him and Alex joined him a few minutes later.

Two days in, and while I still woke a couple times to check on him, I did sleep a bit better myself last night, and he is gaining some confidence and sleeping longer stretches for sure! Plus, it's nice not getting kicked in the head or stomach or back ;)

So we can officially mark off "move to his own room" and "transition to toddler bed" off of Jackson's 2014 goals!! Now just to start potty training...

Oh and an update on his thumb! (This was also on our Health goals for 2014 - "Jackson's thumb surgery") I never shared a post about it, even though I meant to. Monday, we had to drive down to the D to be at the children's hospital there at 6:45, and hit a couple small snags. The first was just a bit of heavy traffic, and then the parking garage cost $3, up front, cash only. Oops, I didn't know that, having never been to this particular hospital, so I had to drive around until I found an ATM, and pull out some cash. That stunk as it cost me an extra $3 ATM fee! After finally parking, we were able to enter, only 30 minutes late now, at this point. My cell phone rings loudly, as I'm trying to contain Jackson's excitement for a new place, and figure out where we are supposed to go. Oh great the hospital calling. I answer, explain what happens and am told to go to admitting/reception to check in and then proceed to the surgical reception area after that. I checked Jack in and read him a couple of books while we wait. Finally, we get called back to fill out the paperwork, and I'm told we have an estimated patient responsibility of blah, blah, blah, will I be paying anything on it today? No, not today - we are STILL dealing with the other hospital mishap in billing for his other surgery, and I'm not interested in making a payment until I know the exact, correct amount from our insurance company and receive an actual bill, besides the fact that it's almost 2k for this... - she says something, half under her breath, about how they really like you to pay something the day of service. Oh, well sorry, don't have it today, I think to myself. She goes back to get something from the printer for me to sign, stating I understand the estimated bill, and here's where to send it, etc, and I hear her talking to another admissions lady. One says "oh, you have one too?" Other "yeah, ugh." something else that sounded like "I hate when they do that." but I couldn't be sure. Oh really? Great customer service so far...

Time to head to the surgical reception area, where we sat for just a few minutes, until called back to the "check-in" pre-op area. He was weighed and measured - almost 30 lbs and just shy of 36 inches - and checked over. The orthopedic surgeon, nurses, anesthesiologist all came over to talk to me and go over what would happen. His thumb was marked and we waited for what felt like just 2 minutes! They had me change him into hospital pants, socks and a gown, but Jackson was angry at me for taking off his car/truck jammies! No gown for him, just pants and socks. Then it was time for mom to put on a gown, cap, and mask - I got to go back with him, while they put him to sleep! YAY! much better, as he did not want me to leave or to leave me. We laid him down, and they put the mask on. He was not happy at all :( He cried and yelled, but was so brave too. After just a few seconds he started to drift off to sleep. I gave him a kiss and was escorted back to the pre-op area. Within 15 minutes, the surgeon came out to tell me the surgery was done, and went well. In just a few minutes, he'd be waking up and they should be able to bring him to me. After what seemed like forever, a nurse came to get me and take me the post-op wake-up recovery room, as he was upset and unable to calm himself. Jackson was very happy to see me, as I was him. He cuddled right up, and stopped crying within moments, drank some juice and fell back asleep. We moved back to the pre-op/recovery area, and waited for a bit. He woke up, had some more juice, and we sat for a few minutes. The nurse came in and checked him over. The anesthesiologist came in and said he was ready to go home :) IV was removed, we got him dressed and went over at-home instructions. He went back at 8:25 and I was signing check-out papers at 9:25!! How's that for awesome!? The morning didn't start out great, but the nurses, doctors and staff (besides admitting) were so kind, helpful and patient! We will definitely be using this hospital for any future needs for any of the boys - which hopefully won't be anytime soon of course.

We were able to remove the gauze in two days, but I did change it once after the first day, as it got quite dirty while he ate. Then the steri-strips fell off on their own by Friday, and the incision is almost completely healed already! They also used that glue stuff to seal it. His thumb and palm were quite swollen and bruised the first couple of days, and the bruising has slowly gone away as well as the swelling. It's still slightly swollen and sore, though no longer purple, and he doesn't like it getting cleaned after meals. We have to be super gentle but I don't want anything getting in there, or it getting infected. Bath time is the easiest time to get it clean of course, so we just do the best we can right after eating, and then clean it well at during his bath and let it kind of soak in the bubbles :) Bubble baths have become our best friend this week! Actually, we had to add more baby bath soap to our grocery list, as we ran out yesterday!

On top of all that, Alex managed to injure his foot on Wednesday during gym class while jumping rope. Instead of stopping, he continued to jump, went through the day limping and walked over to the HS for play rehearsal when it started hurting even worse. He went back to his classroom and then finally to the office to call me to pick him up early from rehearsal (he didn't even last 15 minutes!). I picked him and Ethan up rather than drive back a 3rd time that day to get E at 6:30, and we went home. Making sure his foot was ok, I made him stay off of it for the rest of the day, and sit out of gym class on Thursday. He just pulled or twisted something in the top of his foot when he landed funny on his toes. I let him know that he really should have stopped jumping right away, and kept off of it for a bit until the pain was gone, and that he got very lucky he didn't cause himself serious harm! He promised if anything like that happens again, he'll stop, take a break, and call one of us if necessary, so we can see the dr to make sure it's just a strain. Alex is fine now, and although it did hurt a little yesterday after we left Skyzone, he said it wasn't too bad at all. I reminded him that if he needs to stop jumping rope in gym this week because it hurts again, that's fine! Luckily they have tomorrow off, so he can take it somewhat easy and stay off of it a bit more.

It's been a pretty crazy week! After all that, we spent a whole day ticking things off of our winter fun list! Look for a nice, long post tomorrow for that. We had such a fun family day yesterday, and even though mom and dad are a little under the weather, we made the most of it, that's for sure. Jason is at City Airport for little while today, and plans to go tomorrow for a while too - he's off of work for the holiday at his regular job - so we are just having a lazy morning around here. Grocery shopping in a bit, maybe after Jason gets home, by myself. I don't know that we could all survive a busy Sunday morning grocery store visit. Although, they could help pick out things they want for snacks...
 

What I want for Christmas this year

Sure, my Christmas present wish list could be a long one if I wanted it to be. There are plenty of new books I'd like to read, kitchen gadgets I would love, a fun new video game to play or movie to watch, a photography class to learn some cool new techniques, a "learn to crochet" book. Sure, it could be very long. Couldn't we all make a nice long list of things we want or "need" this year? Every year?

Of course,  there are lots of things that we want or even get, that sit in a cabinet or drawer or collect dust in some corner, unseen and unused for months or years. Just like our children's belongings. We spend money on toys and stuff, and then complain or get irritated when they don't play with them or break them quickly.

Don't get me wrong! I'm not self-less by ANY means, I'd still love some of those things. But what I really want for Christmas this year?

To reach my $200 fundraising goal for The "Dressember for IJM" campaign. It's not a big goal, it might not seem like it would make a big difference, but it's just a small piece of the bigger campaign goal for $100K! In all honesty, I set it low, hoping it would be surpassed and my faith in humanity would grow.

I know that it doesn't seem like a big deal. So what? She's wearing a dress every day in December. Who cares? Yeah, maybe she looks nice, kind of cute, all dressed up (wishful thinking, LOL), but why does she care and how will that help??

Solidarity. With the other 681 participants of Dressember. Standing with and standing up for those who cannot do it for themselves.

Celebration. What?! Sure, just as the creator of this campaign says "Dressember participants wear dresses every day during the month of December to celebrate the freedom of beauty and femininity that they're allowed..." I am free, along with, as far as I know, all of you, my readers and friends and family, to where what I want, eat what I want, live HOW I want and not be abused, hurt, used, etc on a daily basis.

Raise awareness. By wearing a dress everyday, especially as someone who rarely does, it has garnered notice. Even Saturday, the day I didn't post a picture (I actually forgot to snap one), but I did wear a dress. Ask a friend who saw me at the boys' Catechism class who greeted me with a smile and who would give anyone anything they needed, down to the shirt off her back. Ask the mom from school that stopped me to say hello at the store last night and mentioned that she saw me at school earlier in the week all dressed up, and who I shared with the why behind the dresses. Or ask the cashier who asked to see my ID because I was buying a movie that required me to be over 17 (I had to laugh at this, and as I chuckled and she looked at me strangely, I said, I'll be 33 in April. She responded with "well you look young, take it as a compliment." Um, yeah, I can't see me being confused for under 17, lol.) but who did seem to notice I was wearing a dress in the snow and 20 degree weather. Ask the teacher at school last week who told me I looked nice and asked what I had going on and with whom I was able to share a little bit of info, as well as another mom who happened to be at her child's locker next to the classroom who knew a little about human trafficking that has been going on in our state and nearby states.

A reminder to myself. As I've mentioned before, living in Michigan, the winter months are pretty cold. Yesterday we got our first real snow of the season and quite a bit at that. The daily reminder of being a little colder than normal (for me) makes me think of those who suffering.

Why do I care? Why shouldn't I care? I may not seem like someone who does a lot or can do a lot to help others or change things, but deep down I do care.

You see, as you grow from a child to an adult, your perceptions of the world change and so do you. An example or two: Since the time that I was little, my dreams for the future changed many times. From wanting to be a veterinarian to a lawyer to an archaeologist to a teacher, and ending up as none of those thing, but having different jobs as a cashier, working in pizza places and as a manager, and then finally becoming a stay-at-home mom to three amazing boys. Sure I wanted a family, a husband and children, but never really knew if I wanted a career outside the home or if I wanted to stay home. I just kind of let it play out as it would. But my perception has changed. I love being home (most days) and eventually I hope to find my passion outside the home but it's not absolutely necessary. As a teen and young adult, I felt in my heart that abortion was wrong (go with me here without offense, please. I'm sure there are differing opinions on this) but didn't really know much about it. After going through RCIA and joining the Catholic Church, I learned why the Church is pro-life and also about why they condemn birth control. I understood and also basically expanded my own belief. I was able to go out and do my own research on it. My perception, while my opinion has remained the same, has changed because it encompasses more information. I may not always have the courage and faith to speak up and speak out but I'm trying to change that. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, that even though I don't always do something (how many of you are the same way? Not trying to sound snarky, just an honest, thought-provoking question.) or don't know where to start helping, deep down, in my heart, in my soul, I WANT TO DO SOMETHING!

I feel by changing how I approach life and by trying to help others, maybe someone else can benefit. In different ways. Maybe someone else can benefit by just learning something new, or getting out a bad situation, or preventing their child from being tricked into a bad situation, or seeing things in a new light, or by starting something new that helps others. Who knows? It's a waterfall, just like everything in life. How you react to a situation or event determines how it will play out. Your reaction begets reaction, which begets reaction and so forth. If we are kind, maybe the person we are kind to will share that kindness, or have a better day for it. The whole thought process behind "pay it forward", I suppose.

In recent years, human trafficking has gotten more news coverage than ever. My hometown in Ohio is actually one of the top cities in the country for arrests. Read more here, here and here.

IJM doesn't handle cases in the US or other developed countries, because they are dedicated to helping the poor in developing countries whose justice systems aren't as well-functioning. That being said, by helping raise funds and awareness for IJM and international human trafficking, it can also raise awareness about domestic human trafficking, by making people do research!

Some facts listed on International Justice Mission's website:

• Each year, nearly 2 million children are exploited in the global commercial sex trade. (UNICEF)
• 27 million men, women and children are held as slaves. (Kevin Bales, Disposable People)
• 1 in 5 women is a victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime. (U. N. Development Fund for Women)

My point is, if we don't care, who will?

So, truthfully, all I want for Christmas this year is to help free someone. A child or a woman or a man from injustice. To give them the freedom that we all deserve, and that you and I take for granted each day.

$200 isn't too much, in the grand scheme of things, but it's a start. I know it's the holiday season, Christmas time and many families are struggling to buy gifts or even put food on their own tables. I respect that. I don't ask that you take from the mouths of your family, but if you can spare even a few dollars, someone out there would be eternally grateful. I have over 232 friends on my personal facebook profile, though I'm sure not all of them read or even see my blog from my posts, as well as over 40 "likes" on the blog's facebook page. If every single person was able to give even just $1 - ONE DOLLAR!! - we would meet and exceed my goal! How grand would that be?

I'd love to share with my boys the love that people have for each other, the good in humanity. We don't always see the good in the people around us. More often than not, we see the idiot driver, or the rude worker or shopper, the annoying child in the restaurant - usually mine ;) - or the overwhelmed parent yelling at their child, or just generally not nice people. If you are my friend, I want you to know, that no matter what, I see the good in you. If you are my "friend" on facebook, there is a reason. Only people I know or care to know are on there. I am pretty choosy about who I add, as I share my family and our life more intensely even on my personal profile, in the way of pictures or complaints, and that's because I believe in each and every one of you, in some small way. That you, YES, YOU!!, are a good person and do care about others. So even though this post took a small diversion, it's all relative. Thank you for being you. Be kind to others. Love the way you want to be loved. And if you are able, consider donating to IJM, through my donation page. I get absolutely nothing out of it, other than the satisfaction of knowing my belief in humanity and kindness is well-founded. And if you aren't able, PLEASE know that I truly understand. I wish everyone the best Christmas if you celebrate it, the most fun winter either way, and a Happy New Year for all. I want nothing but the best for all of you!

Just some food for thought...

The road we travel...

We never really put down our roots for very long, it's the wandering gene that Jason and I both were inherently born with. A few years here, a few there, never more than about 5.

Having live in Michigan now for just about 5, we've actually been getting that itch. The itch to move somewhere new, somewhere away from here.

It's funny actually, when we lived in Maryland with two small children and the dog, all we ever wanted (so we thought) was to move back to our hometown in Ohio, to be near our extended family. While we missed them, and still do, now that we live 2 hours away AGAIN, I've realized that it's just not meant to be. Never would Jason find a job doing what he does in Toledo, nor would we end up being settled. It's just not us.

We always hated the long drive back and forth when we'd go for a holiday or summer visit, even knowing that our short time would be so filled with activities and time with loved ones, because it just wouldn't ever be truly enough enjoyable, quality time with our families. We knew we would have to leave too soon and we had two crabby, out-of-their-normal-routine kiddies. Now we live just far enough that it's a hassle for us to go visit too often - packing up bags of clothes for overnight, diapers, the dog and his necessary things - but just close enough that we feel we should and everyone expects us too - not that that's a bad thing, but it's true.

There are days when I'd love to just pack up the car, fill it up and drive with my amazingly supportive husband and our 3 crazy, funny, annoyingly-loud-at-times, awesome sons and just go in one direction until we run out of gas and just stay a while. And then do it all over again. And again. And again. That's my wandering gene, my gypsy blood, if you will.

Mind you, I'm a "lister", a planner to an extent, when it comes to silly, frivolous things. But the big things? It's ironic because not so much. I think Jason and I both have a tendency to be impulsive. Not in a bad way, but just going with our guts. Our first instincts are almost always right, for both of us. We are so in tune with each other, he will call to ask me something and I would have just been thinking of the same thing, or sometimes, I'll be ready to tell him something and boom, he was just talking to somebody about that earlier or whatever. It's kind of freaky. But it just shows me how perfect we are for each other, how we just seem to fit together. Before anybody says, "gimme a break!", that doesn't mean we always get along, or even close to it! It just means that we have definitely grown into this relationship and understanding of each others' wants and needs over the years. We certainly are both still quite selfish sometimes - I more than he - but that's how it goes. But I digress.

Where we will end up next? Who knows? We've both talked about moving somewhere, Jason finding a new job or a different position/place with his company and going somewhere South or West. I know the boys love their school and their friends and it always seems just as I finally make new friends or at least become more social with the ones I have ;) , I'm ready to move on in a sense to a new place, not leaving those people behind, but to find more to add richness to my life. That's how I look at those people I've met along this long, strange road called life. They've all played a part, and added something to my life, taught me something, shared their little corners of this place with me, made me a better person in some way. From the girls I went to high school with or met in Germany to the co-worker who became one of my best friends in Maryland to my newest friend and co-blogger Julie, they've all changed my life and truly helped me grow and still are!!!

The real question at hand is where are we being "lead to" and should we follow the pull down this winding path? I guess time will tell...