this...

Sometimes, you just have to walk away from things that are causing more problems than they are helping. By doing so, you can commit more fully to the people and things that mean the most to you and have been there the longest - for me, that's my husband and my boys.

It sounds like an excuse, but it's so much more than that.
When I decided to start being a Beachbody Coach, I didn't discuss it with Jason. I just jumped right in, with both feet. Now, while it may be a great fit for some people, I've struggled with it. I want to help people, help them get healthy and fit, learn to eat right, all the while doing the same for myself. But I feel like a.) nobody is interested or b.) nobody can afford to buy the workouts and/or shakes. Now I know what other coaches will say: It's not about selling. I get that, but to an extent it is. They need to find a workout that is their soul-mate workout, and there are so many good choices and the shakes are super healthy, but most people I know though just can't do it. I'm not good at reaching out to new people, either.  Not only has it been stressing me out, because I don't know what/how/who, even with my awesome team's help (it's truly not about them, it's all about what I can and can't do, handle and control), but we have been spending money on our own shakes as well as our business fees. This has caused some budgetary concerns - minor, but very real.

After the first of the year, our insurance went up, as did the 401k  deductions, and we are trying to save some money for some home improvements we want to do as well as other things. One more reason to cut expenses.

I am trying not to think of this as quitting or giving up on something, so much as re-prioritizing. Things need to change and this is where they can. We needed to take a long hard look at things, and really step back. I choose them, over ANYTHING else.

My commitment has been and always will be, first and foremost, to the love of my life, Jason, and our 3 sons, Ethan, Alex, and Jack. When I sat down and spoke with Jason about quitting being a coach, and my why's, we discussed openly and came to the conclusion that it's what's right for our whole family, because I'm struggling with it.

 Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.  ~Simone Signoret

I love this quote, because for me those threads are our conversations, our fights, our compromises, our willingness to fight for one another and for our family unit.

I love being married.  It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.  ~Rita Rudner
 

I hope I don't annoy him too much, and even when he annoys me, I love him more than life.

What needs changing in YOUR life today? For me, it's hunkering down into our family more, and shutting out the world just a bit, while still sharing, growing, loving, and moving on from things that just don't fit. I'm thankful for the opportunity I had, and am not sorry I attempted. I did learn things, and will always be grateful for that. I feel like I've made some new friends along the way and reconnected with old acquaintances, too.

On to bigger and better things. Like my eldest son's school spelling bee in an hour. Yes, that's right, E won the class bee again this year, and goes to the next level. If he wins, it will be the charter school bee and possibly the Scripps regional bee again. Even if he doesn't make it, I'm proud of him and Alex for all their hard work in school. (Alex was disappointed because he didn't win his class bee, but he was happy for his good friend that did :) ) Oh, and of course, my writing, online and offline. I have had some book ideas floating around in my head for months now, and while they might not be any good at all, I need to get them on paper and share with someone...

What I want for Christmas this year

Sure, my Christmas present wish list could be a long one if I wanted it to be. There are plenty of new books I'd like to read, kitchen gadgets I would love, a fun new video game to play or movie to watch, a photography class to learn some cool new techniques, a "learn to crochet" book. Sure, it could be very long. Couldn't we all make a nice long list of things we want or "need" this year? Every year?

Of course,  there are lots of things that we want or even get, that sit in a cabinet or drawer or collect dust in some corner, unseen and unused for months or years. Just like our children's belongings. We spend money on toys and stuff, and then complain or get irritated when they don't play with them or break them quickly.

Don't get me wrong! I'm not self-less by ANY means, I'd still love some of those things. But what I really want for Christmas this year?

To reach my $200 fundraising goal for The "Dressember for IJM" campaign. It's not a big goal, it might not seem like it would make a big difference, but it's just a small piece of the bigger campaign goal for $100K! In all honesty, I set it low, hoping it would be surpassed and my faith in humanity would grow.

I know that it doesn't seem like a big deal. So what? She's wearing a dress every day in December. Who cares? Yeah, maybe she looks nice, kind of cute, all dressed up (wishful thinking, LOL), but why does she care and how will that help??

Solidarity. With the other 681 participants of Dressember. Standing with and standing up for those who cannot do it for themselves.

Celebration. What?! Sure, just as the creator of this campaign says "Dressember participants wear dresses every day during the month of December to celebrate the freedom of beauty and femininity that they're allowed..." I am free, along with, as far as I know, all of you, my readers and friends and family, to where what I want, eat what I want, live HOW I want and not be abused, hurt, used, etc on a daily basis.

Raise awareness. By wearing a dress everyday, especially as someone who rarely does, it has garnered notice. Even Saturday, the day I didn't post a picture (I actually forgot to snap one), but I did wear a dress. Ask a friend who saw me at the boys' Catechism class who greeted me with a smile and who would give anyone anything they needed, down to the shirt off her back. Ask the mom from school that stopped me to say hello at the store last night and mentioned that she saw me at school earlier in the week all dressed up, and who I shared with the why behind the dresses. Or ask the cashier who asked to see my ID because I was buying a movie that required me to be over 17 (I had to laugh at this, and as I chuckled and she looked at me strangely, I said, I'll be 33 in April. She responded with "well you look young, take it as a compliment." Um, yeah, I can't see me being confused for under 17, lol.) but who did seem to notice I was wearing a dress in the snow and 20 degree weather. Ask the teacher at school last week who told me I looked nice and asked what I had going on and with whom I was able to share a little bit of info, as well as another mom who happened to be at her child's locker next to the classroom who knew a little about human trafficking that has been going on in our state and nearby states.

A reminder to myself. As I've mentioned before, living in Michigan, the winter months are pretty cold. Yesterday we got our first real snow of the season and quite a bit at that. The daily reminder of being a little colder than normal (for me) makes me think of those who suffering.

Why do I care? Why shouldn't I care? I may not seem like someone who does a lot or can do a lot to help others or change things, but deep down I do care.

You see, as you grow from a child to an adult, your perceptions of the world change and so do you. An example or two: Since the time that I was little, my dreams for the future changed many times. From wanting to be a veterinarian to a lawyer to an archaeologist to a teacher, and ending up as none of those thing, but having different jobs as a cashier, working in pizza places and as a manager, and then finally becoming a stay-at-home mom to three amazing boys. Sure I wanted a family, a husband and children, but never really knew if I wanted a career outside the home or if I wanted to stay home. I just kind of let it play out as it would. But my perception has changed. I love being home (most days) and eventually I hope to find my passion outside the home but it's not absolutely necessary. As a teen and young adult, I felt in my heart that abortion was wrong (go with me here without offense, please. I'm sure there are differing opinions on this) but didn't really know much about it. After going through RCIA and joining the Catholic Church, I learned why the Church is pro-life and also about why they condemn birth control. I understood and also basically expanded my own belief. I was able to go out and do my own research on it. My perception, while my opinion has remained the same, has changed because it encompasses more information. I may not always have the courage and faith to speak up and speak out but I'm trying to change that. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, that even though I don't always do something (how many of you are the same way? Not trying to sound snarky, just an honest, thought-provoking question.) or don't know where to start helping, deep down, in my heart, in my soul, I WANT TO DO SOMETHING!

I feel by changing how I approach life and by trying to help others, maybe someone else can benefit. In different ways. Maybe someone else can benefit by just learning something new, or getting out a bad situation, or preventing their child from being tricked into a bad situation, or seeing things in a new light, or by starting something new that helps others. Who knows? It's a waterfall, just like everything in life. How you react to a situation or event determines how it will play out. Your reaction begets reaction, which begets reaction and so forth. If we are kind, maybe the person we are kind to will share that kindness, or have a better day for it. The whole thought process behind "pay it forward", I suppose.

In recent years, human trafficking has gotten more news coverage than ever. My hometown in Ohio is actually one of the top cities in the country for arrests. Read more here, here and here.

IJM doesn't handle cases in the US or other developed countries, because they are dedicated to helping the poor in developing countries whose justice systems aren't as well-functioning. That being said, by helping raise funds and awareness for IJM and international human trafficking, it can also raise awareness about domestic human trafficking, by making people do research!

Some facts listed on International Justice Mission's website:

• Each year, nearly 2 million children are exploited in the global commercial sex trade. (UNICEF)
• 27 million men, women and children are held as slaves. (Kevin Bales, Disposable People)
• 1 in 5 women is a victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime. (U. N. Development Fund for Women)

My point is, if we don't care, who will?

So, truthfully, all I want for Christmas this year is to help free someone. A child or a woman or a man from injustice. To give them the freedom that we all deserve, and that you and I take for granted each day.

$200 isn't too much, in the grand scheme of things, but it's a start. I know it's the holiday season, Christmas time and many families are struggling to buy gifts or even put food on their own tables. I respect that. I don't ask that you take from the mouths of your family, but if you can spare even a few dollars, someone out there would be eternally grateful. I have over 232 friends on my personal facebook profile, though I'm sure not all of them read or even see my blog from my posts, as well as over 40 "likes" on the blog's facebook page. If every single person was able to give even just $1 - ONE DOLLAR!! - we would meet and exceed my goal! How grand would that be?

I'd love to share with my boys the love that people have for each other, the good in humanity. We don't always see the good in the people around us. More often than not, we see the idiot driver, or the rude worker or shopper, the annoying child in the restaurant - usually mine ;) - or the overwhelmed parent yelling at their child, or just generally not nice people. If you are my friend, I want you to know, that no matter what, I see the good in you. If you are my "friend" on facebook, there is a reason. Only people I know or care to know are on there. I am pretty choosy about who I add, as I share my family and our life more intensely even on my personal profile, in the way of pictures or complaints, and that's because I believe in each and every one of you, in some small way. That you, YES, YOU!!, are a good person and do care about others. So even though this post took a small diversion, it's all relative. Thank you for being you. Be kind to others. Love the way you want to be loved. And if you are able, consider donating to IJM, through my donation page. I get absolutely nothing out of it, other than the satisfaction of knowing my belief in humanity and kindness is well-founded. And if you aren't able, PLEASE know that I truly understand. I wish everyone the best Christmas if you celebrate it, the most fun winter either way, and a Happy New Year for all. I want nothing but the best for all of you!

Just some food for thought...

Warmer climate is calling my name...

I've been sitting here for about 45 minutes trying to churn out a post, and I just keep typing and erasing (or making drafts to come back, reread and possibly rewrite later, LOL). I've either got nothing coming to mind, or what does isn't coming out the way I want it to.

This morning, I realized how much I don't like winter. Seriously. Not one bit. Well, at least not when it comes to our mini-van. Who's bright idea was it to put the rubber seal on the OUTSIDE of the sliding doors?! (Anyone? The answer is Dodge, by the way, in my case. If you got it right, you get a cookie. But not really. Cause I don't have any. And also because you answering that in no way made my life any easier. ;) )

Yeah. The weather has taken a turn for worse, and in Michigan, that means snow - albeit, a very light dusting - as well as much, much colder temps. This morning, my door was stuck a little, but I got it opened and started the van, with the heat full blast. Even gave it 20 minutes to warm up and thaw out a little. Still couldn't open the sliding doors, until I pried the rubber from the metal. Yeah. So not happening again. Jason said he'll put something on it, but it won't last long. This on top of an annoying ticking noise that we haven't pinpointed yet. If we didn't have a loan on it, we'd probably trade it in today. But that's the problem, we most likely owe more than it's currently worth. I say likely but we could get lucky. I'm thinking something older, less expensive, but big enough and safe enough for all of us, and not a gas-hog. It would be really cool to not have to have a huge payment on something too...

If only we could come to an agreement on other stuff, it might make this easier, too! ;) I live with a very indecisive - he calls himself picky or finicky - man. I'm someone who likes to do all the research, make lists of anything that we could need to do or know and find the answers, and also make pros/cons lists. I've done all that - mind you, this is not about the van - and presented it all to him. The ball is in his court, as they say, and while I would love to say I'm patiently waiting, I'm not being very patient. I want a yes or a no. Like yesterday. But it is a big decision. Should we sell our house and move to a different house? Should he look for or take a different job and we move somewhere else? There are a lot of factors at play here. Truly, I understand why he is questioning all of it and taking his sweet time, but it is driving me nuts!

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I'm thinking an older station wagon would be kind of cool! Something that would still be big enough for all of us, and have cargo room, but not big like an SUV, and maybe better on gas. Not sure where we'd even find one at...

Sunday...

After a couple conversations, and some decision making on my part, I'm making some BIG changes! Not going to disclose all the details right now, but it's all for the better.

On that note, yesterday morning we all got up and made pancakes for breakfast. For the first time in months (years?) I exercised! I have a couple of  "Biggest Loser" work-out DVDs and I decided to do the cardio one. 30 minutes - including warm-up and cool-down - of straight moving. I have to say, my leg muscles are hurting today! In a good way, though.

I really wanted to go to Mass yesterday - we haven't been good about it, but it's a special day this Sunday for Alex and I've been wanting to make more of an effort to go - and so we (the 3 boys and I) got ready and made it on time. At one point, Jackson started getting a little fussy, so I knew he and I would have to step out. The way our church is set up, you can stand in the foyer area and see into the sanctuary through several picture windows, so I decided to leave the older boys sitting there by themselves. After all, E will be 11 in July and Alex 8 in about 6 weeks so truthfully they are old enough to sit there. The highlight, though, and the thing that made me truly feel at home at our parish for probably the first time is what happened next. When Jack and I stepped out, I told the older boys to stay in their seats rather than go up for Communion - a blessing in Alex's case. They were fine with that, but as I watched from the other side of the window, they were trying to remember what exactly they should do. The woman sitting in front of us, who teaches Children's Liturgy of the Word, and helps with Catechism classes, turned and had the boys move up by her. She helped them figure out what to do and took them up with her. :) After they went back to their seats, she turned and smiled to me and I mouthed "thank you". Just before Mass ended, Jack and I went back in. The older lady behind us was so kind and said how well behaved they were and what a nice family we have. Seriously made me happy.

They were doing sign-ups for vacation bible school for K-5, but E is technically 5th grade-age, so I explained to the nice lady, mentioning that he's only 10, has Asperger's and would like to go. She was so helpful, talking to him and explaining since it's his first year, that she would recommend him joining in the activities anyway, rather than helping like the other 6th graders and older. She also mentioned that her 10th grader has Asperger's!

Today, I woke up and my legs and back are sore! LOL. I'm taking the day off, and working out again tomorrow. I know as time goes on it will get easier, and I will get stronger and have better endurance. But I also know that I have to listen to my body, and today it says to just relax a bit.

I've been trying to come up with story ideas, but everything I come up with feels all wrong or I can't get it down on paper right. I need a nice, quiet place to go and write for a couple of days and just let the ideas flow. But if I were to get a couple days alone, I'd probably just sleep and do nothing. ;)

Not sure where this post was going when I started it this morning but here's where it ends. No matter what, follow your dreams. Remember you are loved and even when you make mistakes - because NOBODY is perfect - somebody out there looks up to you, or believes in you. You are the only you, and you're special just the way you are. Be kind to one another, because there is enough bad out there in this world. If everyone just tries a little harder to be nice, the world would be a better place. 

32

My weekend went a little something like this. Crazy.busy.non-stop. Ha!

Friday morning, Jackson had a 9am dr. appointment which went pretty well. Jack is healthy and strong. He's 21 lbs 10 oz (he actually gained more than 1 1/2 lbs in just under a month! That may be a record for him!) and he's 31 1/4 inches tall! I had to fill out another questionnaire like I did at his 12 month appointment for gross motor, fine motor and speech assessment. He scored a little low on his gross motor again ~ but one of the questions was about climbing/crawling up stairs, which was impossible to assess since we live in a ranch (with a basement, but he doesn't go down there), so that was a "not yet" answer ~ and he was borderline for speech. The pediatrician ~ whom I love, but am a little frustrated with about this ~ is wanting us to call that early childhood place again. Since they said they would follow up in May and the PT gave me her name and number if I had questions before, I will call her directly and see what she thinks. Also, over the weekend, at my sister's, he proved he can crawl up a whole flight of stairs, and he learned a new word or two. Jack says "dog" now and it sounded like he said A's name and a couple of other things too. So honestly, I think it's so hard to follow those assessments. I understand why and that they are probably very helpful and a great tool, but sometimes, it's not a good indicator of skills/milestones. Also, she wants us to sign a form about vaccines, saying we are declining and it goes to the state or county health department. I really want to wait since I know we don't really need to sign anything till school starts (5 more years!) plus the way it reads somewhat worries me. We are not necessarily planning to get him any, but currently we are delaying until at least 2. E and A won't be getting anymore either. It's a personal decision based on lots of research and loads of discussion with Jas. I know it's a controversial choice and people may not agree but it's our choice. Besides, I have to say, he's been our healthiest boy so far... makes you wonder, you know?

OK. So back to the weekend's craziness!

Jas, E, Alex, Jack and I drove to Toledo, and took the older boys to Jason's parents' house for the weekend. Oh and Buddy, our dog. I have to say, my in-laws are pretty wonderful to not only take Ethan and Alex for 3 days but also our dog when they already have 2 of their own! It was super-helpful. After we dropped them off, we went to pick up my mom and visit my dad for a few minutes before heading South to Columbus!

On the way, we stopped at picked up my nieces (my sister's fiance's daughters), A - 10 and M - 12.

Friday night, we ate dinner and then between all of us girls, we got some of the wedding favors taken care of (no details, because I know some family members will be reading this! ;) ) and finally go some sleep.

We all woke up pretty early Saturday, some earlier than others *ahem, Matt!* (<--- he was up and out in the yard both days before us, building stuff!), ate a quick breakfast and headed out to the bridal store to look for dresses for us bridesmaids. Of course, the store had our appointment wrong, made Heather (my sis) pick up her dress that day ~ the wedding is in September... ~ and the first lady we worked with was so rude. We got "assigned" to a different, much nicer lady but we couldn't all agree on one dress. The one we all kind of liked was way over-budget, before alterations (and because I'm fat - hey, I am! - there was an additional $20-40 charge.) so we decided to keep looking.

Heather, the girls, mom, Jack, Chelsea (another bridesmaid) and her daughter and I went to lunch at IHOP in between shopping. I think it was a much needed break and we were able to sit and talk a little about our plans for a bridal shower.

 The next place we went to was not really any better. They were a little more polite, but the selection stunk and anything we did like didn't come in our color (hello, black is a pretty easy color for a dress, people!). No luck.

Off to the mall. Well, most of us. Chelsea and her daughter live about an hour from Heather and it was already after 4, so they had to get home. I feel bad that we wasted their time shopping. :( Chelsea is very nice and between her and her daughter, I was cracking up!

So we checked a few stores at the mall, to see if maybe they had any prom dresses that might work. Ugh. Time to just go home.

Late dinner - pizza which was yum! - and Heather and mom and the girls did some more of the favors while I tried to get Jack down for the night.

Oh by the way, Saturday was also my birthday. Not to mention, I'm not really a fan of clothes shopping but this was somewhat fun. Even when it was stressful, LOL. I got a sweet card from my honey.

Heather did some online searches and found another local bridal shop that opened at 11am Sunday that looked promising.

After a big breakfast, all of us girls and the baby went out to the shop, which is in a 120+ yr old farm house! To be honest, upon first sight, I was a bit nervous about their selection. As soon as we walked in, we were greeted by three very sweet ladies who showed us where to look, got us what we needed and helped immensely. We found 5 dresses to try on and since the largest in-store size was a 12, we had M try on the dresses. 2 of them we somewhat liked, 2 we didn't really, and 1 we fell in love with. We can get it in black with ivory, it's much less expensive (by almost $100!!) and comes in every size we need. I tried it on with a corset-type strapless and while I couldn't get the 10 zipped all the way up, it gave me a good idea of the fit and I loved the flowiness (sp?) of it. By the way, Mom got it on, zipped and it was big on her! I think that put a big smile on her face :) She looked beautiful in it - too bad she's not a bridesmaid, LOL. Also the salesgirl didn't charge me the "extra" fee so I got it for the same price even though I needed larger than a 16 (typically they charge $25 per the manufacturer/designer). We put half down on mine, M's and A's. Chelsea and Marcy, the other bridesmaids, got pictures texted to them and they both answered with an affirmative answer :) Thank goodness. I was getting depressed that we were having such a hard time!

By this point it was after 1pm, so we had to get the van loaded so we could head back to Toledo, drop off Mom and go to Jason's parents' house. We didn't get there till 5:30. My MIL had dinner ready almost immediately (thankfully!) and we went out and played for a little while with the boys before cake and ice cream. We never got on the road till after 8, I think. Home around 10pm, boys were in their jammies, so they went straight to bed.

This morning was a little rough because all of us were tired from a long week/weekend and a late night again, and I didn't realize we had finished the juice boxes sometime last week so when I went to pack lunches this morning, I had to dig out $0.30 for each of the boys to buy milk (chocolate for E since he can't stand regular ~ he's got to have something with lunch and I don't have a small thermos for water that fits in their lunch bags :( ). We were late, but neither of them seemed to upset. I didn't remember till I was helping E at his locker, that I forgot snacks for both of them. It's going to be a long day...

Oh. Yeah. The title of the post is 32. I forgot. I turned 32 on Saturday. But apparently I look 17. According to A, at least. LOL. That was a great compliment. I look half my age! Yay! But I also don't look old enough to have kids, she said. Hehehe. Silly, sweet girl.

Spring brings lots to do!!!

We've got a busy few weeks ahead of us! Starting with this weekend, Friday is the school carnival, Saturday the boys have their final Catechism class of the year, and Alex has his first Pinewood Derby on Sunday.

Next week, I'm helping out at the school book fair pretty much all week - Monday and Thursday from 8-4 and Tues and Wed from 8-12 - and of course, Jack-Jack will be with me destroying the displays helping the kids all pick out books ;) Then Thursday evening, E and Alex have the school talent show with their friend J. Good Friday starts their Spring break, and Easter Sunday, we may or may not head to Ohio to see family. Not entirely sure what our plans out, so we shall see.

At some point over their break, the older two boys are going to visit Jason's parents for a couple/few days, probably the following weekend. My birthday is also that Saturday (April 6). Since I'm in my sister Heather's wedding - Matron of Honor - and we are still doing all the dress fittings and looking for the perfect bridesmaids dresses as well as making the table decor, we decided that weekend is perfect to go down to Columbus. So after Jack's 15 month dr appt., we are driving down (probably dropping E and Alex off at the in-laws that afternoon, on the way) to my parents to pick up my mom and then down to Heather's house till Sunday afternoon. I'm thinking we should go to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner as a birthday treat ;)

A week after that is Jason's sister Jorie's wedding. It's in Florida and we aren't going to be able to go. :( It makes me sad that we aren't going. I really, really hope that her and Matt's special day is perfect and they enjoy their day surrounded by everyone who loves them and that they know we are thinking of them.

The following Sunday - April 21st - brings Alex's First Communion. We are having a small celebration with immediate family and a few close family friends - I'm talking like 30-35 people, including the five of us!

Thankfully after that, it's pretty mellow around here for awhile. At least as mellow as it can be with 3 young boys, and a crazy husband ;)

Or if this crazy mama forgets something!!

Six Ingredient Challenge, #6

Join the Six Ingredient Challenge hosted by Hobo Mama and Anktangle!
We're on a six-week path to eat more whole foods, guided by one simple rule: Buy foods with six ingredients or fewer. And we're blogging about our journey on the way.
This week we're answering the question: What are you learning about your body through this challenge? Your family's rhythms and routines? Your feelings about food?
You can see all the responses to this question on March 14 at the link-up post.
To join in the Six Ingredient Challenge anytime during the six weeks, visit the sign-up page for a list of posts and to link up!

***

So I'm whipping this post out really quickly this morning. Honestly I forgot! 

I would have to say that I've learned a lot of what I crave when it comes to food. I already knew I am a carb-aholic and can't seem to make it more than a day without a Pepsi. :( I feel better physically when I eat better.  This is probably TMI, but I have digestive issues when I eat things that are not good for me, and since eating better, especially over the last few weeks, those instances have been almost non-existent! The only times I did have a problem was the few times we either ordered pizza or had fast food (I know, I know, but sometimes it really is just easier! I am trying to learn not to beat myself up for making these bad choices and to try and make less of them :) ) I've also realized - duh! - I have more energy and am less irritable when I eat better foods! Less processed is really better for me physically and emotionally. Just need to remember that when I want to reach for the "easy" choice, whether at the store, or passing the drive-thru. 

Our routines and rhythms really do ebb and flow! We like to eat a lot of the same things, and most of the time, they are easy meals, but can be made healthy. Spaghetti, for example - whole wheat pasta with 1 ingredient, covered with a very good (preferably organic) spaghetti sauce full of veggies, topped with parmesan and maybe some ground beef, can be made even better by adding some fresh chopped veggies into the sauce and having a salad on the side, and maybe leaving out the garlic bread ;) We aren't an extraordinarily busy family, but Tuesdays, our middle son, Alex and Jason go to cub scouts, Saturday mornings the older 2 have Catechism class most weeks, and they have homework most nights - especially right now with "March is reading month" calendars and "play 60" books to do - so after we get home from school, we have to fit homework, dinner, and play time into just a few short hours and sometimes I am trying to cook while taking care of a crabby toddler who may or may not have napped! So trying to find a good rhythm while also making sure there are healthy meals on the table has been a challenge and seems to be getting easier as time goes on.

I have realized lately that all I think about is food! Well maybe not all, but it feels like I'm constantly thinking about what's for breakfast, lunch, dinner, what's healthy, what's not, food dyes, grocery shopping, the budget, etc. I am having a hard time NOT thinking about food in some way, shape or form. I've also realized I have a food addiction. I'm overweight, but not hugely obese, I'm 185(ish? LOL) and only 5'6-7" - not 100% sure how tall I am - and I know I need to lose weight, about 50lbs or so. My weight fluctuates a little but has sat about here for the last 8 years or so, except when I was pregnant this last time, when my weight reached it's highest at around 205lbs. Obviously, at that point I wasn't worried about it, since I was pregnant. But now, over a year later, I am back at my pre-pregnancy weight, and even though we are still breastfeeding on demand, I have not lost any additional weight. I know that it's because I overeat, I drink pop way too much (too much sugar!) and choose to eat sugary, carb-loaded, processed foods... because that's what I'm addicted to. I keep telling myself moderation. However, I think it's finally hit me. I can't DO moderation with these things. It's all or nothing. Not to minimize an alcoholic's or drug addict's struggle, but in it's own way, I feel like that is what I'm dealing with. It's hard to put that out there, especially considering I know family and friends will read this. It's very hard to admit you have a problem. I also realize that without help, I may never be able to stop eating the crap food that I "love"...

Very rough day and night

I picked the boys up from school yesterday, only to find out they both had "questions". It's the school's disciplinary actions. First they get a warning, then RTC questions (what was I doing? what should I have been doing? What can I change? etc.) then finally they go to the RTC (responsible thinking classroom) room for a little while and talk to the vice principal or whomever.

Alex always seems to get his questions from talking, interrupting or not listening to the teacher. His "problems" are never too bad, and he's 7, in the third grade and the whole class is a talkative bunch, according to his teacher.

Ethan, on the other hand, has been having some meltdowns. He's our Aspie. I love my children dearly, but there are certain things that I don't understand when it comes to E's frustrations and anxiety. I don't know how to help him. 3 or 4 weeks ago he had started hurting himself on a daily basis. He would get upset about something and punch himself, pinch his cheeks, smack himself with a book, etc. He was doing it out of anger. E has never hurt anyone else, and never seriously injured himself, thankfully. The worst incident was a few months ago when he smashed his head on the office wall and put a small dent in it, but he was uninjured. Anyway, about 2 weeks ago, after talking to him till I was blue in the face, for the gazillionth time about why we shouldn't hurt ourselves, that feeling angry is ok, but there are better ways to deal with those and ALL feelings, I came up with our incentive plan. If he could go all day with no self-injurious behavior, he would earn a star. After 40 30 stars, I would take him to go buy a used DS game. He loved the idea and it seemed to give him something to focus on and help him calm himself in class. E went 8 days of school (so Wed-Fri of week 1 (started on Wed), and Mon-Thurs of week 2(no school Fri) and Monday of this week) with no incidents. Then yesterday, every little thing started bugging him. He ended up punching himself in the right cheek, and it came to the point that the teacher, after asking him to stop, had to gently take his hand and hold it so he would stop. Then he went to the office for a break. He has a behavior plan and built-in breaks, for whenever he feels he needs them. The boys go to a public charter school and E is in a "regular" classroom, self-contained 6th grade, instead of switching classes with most of the middle schoolers. The school added a 3rd sixth grade this year and this is how they did it. We chose to have him in there, as he's a year younger (10) than most of the other kids and thought it would give him another year to mature and learn responsibility and organization. He does have a first hour that he goes to that switches each trimester, currently Spanish. This year, his IEP is focused on social skills and behavior, as academically, he is at or above grade level (even after being a grade ahead!).

So, after all that, I go to ask him what happened and he says "I'm sorry, I accidentally punched myself." Sigh. Really, buddy? How can you accidentally punch yourself, over and over. It makes me sad. Regardless, we talked to the teacher, and he had a better afternoon. I ask several times if he had all of his homework. Yes, mom, of course I do.

We get home and I tell the boys to do their homework, the play 60 challenge, and the March is Reading Month calendar. E proceeds to tell me that he forgot a sheet of paper to do his vocab pictures. Seriously? Well, I let him know he still needed to do them and to figure it out. I'm proud of him, because a few minutes later he lets me know that he's going to draw them on another sheet of white paper and paste it on the yellow construction paper when he gets to school tomorrow. Hooray for problem solving!!

At this point, I'm starting to not feel so hot. I've had a cold off and on for a few days, Alex has had a sinus infection and is on amoxicillin, and Jack is coughing and has a runny nose. E is the only one of us not sick. Jason's out of town for work and Alex has cub scouts. So I hurry up and make scrambled eggs, sausage and toast for dinner, we eat, I put Jack in his jammies, and we leave. By the time we get to cub scouts, I feel dizzy, chills, achey, and have a really bad headache starting.

We left a few minutes early and by the time we got home, I was ready to just go to bed for the night. I had the boys take showers and go to bed early and Jack was sleeping until five minutes before I was ready for bed (HA!). I had the worst sinus pressure. It was so bad, my teeth were hurting. We don't have any aleve, ibuprofen or tylenol (only 3 meds that I know are safe for breastfeeding for pain) and I can't take sudafed because I get heart palpitations from it usually. Jack and I laid down and I think between him waking up due to a stuffy nose or wanting to nurse - he didn't eat well at dinner last night, and slept right through lunch so he had a light snack around 3:30 and so he wanted to nurse on and off all night last night - and me waking up due to sore muscles and my head still pounding, we were up at least every two hours from 8:30 till 5:30, sometimes for over an hour. The little sleep I did get was very restless. Finally at 5, I dug through our medicine cabinet and found some advil congestion. It has pseudoephedrine in it, which I was leary about but I had to do something! By 5:30am, my headache/sinus pressure was waning, and I fell asleep on the recliner with Jack till 6:45.

Since I had told the older boys the night before that if I wasn't feeling any better, I might just keep them home today, E came out and asked how I was doing. I told him I was ok, and to go ahead and get ready for school. He looked very relieved. :) We were running a little behind and I think he was probably marked tardy for Spanish today, so hopefully that doesn't ruin his whole day. :(

Here's hoping they both have a better day and less homework! I really want to just come home and spend some time with them. We are going to sit and do cub scout stuff maybe. Alex has his Light of Christ book so he can get his religious pin, and the Fun for the Family book with activities we can all do together and earn pins/patches! I was thinking we can sit and pick out which ones they would like to start with from each section. Also we have to decorate their pillowcase for the talent show. I still haven't gotten everything I need, but I have some stuff around here, so I may be able to improvise.

Kudos to all the single parents out there. I have done it alone before, when Jason was in Afghanistan for 6 months and Louisiana for a few months with just the two older boys and when he was in California for a month when E was 2, and then when he first started working at this job and he was only home 2-3 days a week (usually the weekend) and he was living up here in an apartment during the work week for over a year. It was hard. This seems harder, having a third child thrown in. I don't know if it's because Jack is still so little, or maybe it's because we are (almost) all sick right now. But I miss Jason, I miss his help, and his jokes, just his presence. He and I really do feed off of each other, good and bad, but right now, I could use the calm, collected side of him. It always seems like when I have a bad day, he's able to be the rock, and vice versa. We are a pretty great team. Most of the time. ;)

IRL, my existence is

quite lonely.

Sad, right? I am not writing this for a pity party, or anything of that sort. More so to see if I'm the only person like this, and to give others some perspective, some insight on my life. 

My typical week (which is seriously probably 50 weeks out of the year) goes something like this:

Sunday: Go to Mass if we all make it up in time and are in decent moods, drive home, sit at home or maybe go to a store and walk around with Jason and the kids. Possibly go out for a cheap meal. Watch TV. Go to bed.

Monday: Get up, shower, make breakfasts/lunches. Drive the kids to school, go home and sit with Jackson, clean the house, watch tv, etc. Pick the kids up, go home, cook dinner. Watch TV. Go to bed. Throughout the day, go online.

Tuesday: Repeat

Wednesday: Rinse, Lather, Repeat (seeing a pattern yet? LOL), except throw in a couple of hours of babysitting now.

Thursday: Same as Monday.

Friday: All of the above, plus I do the budget. Every other week I try to do the grocery shopping with just Jack, which usually entails 2-3 stores and several hours. Sometimes that's not done till Saturday, or even Sunday on occasion.

Saturday: Take the boys back and forth to Catechism, most weeks, and then usually we end up just sitting at home the rest of the day, unless there is some special thing going on.

Holidays are special because we always go to see family, so that's always out of the norm.

I haven't gone out with a friend for coffee, or lunch in 18 months. And before that, I don't think ever. When we go to Mass, we get there right at the start (if not a couple of minutes late :( ) and leave right after, and since they don't really ever have fellowship Sundays or things like that, I don't know anybody from our Parish. Well except in passing, like the boys' teachers, our priest and deacon, the religious education director and a couple moms that happen to have daughters in Alex's class. I don't even think any of them know my first name. Is that their fault? I suppose not. There's no "moms' group" or anything.

Since we've lived here, we've been to one of Jason's co-workers houses once to hang out last summer, we have asked another to watch our dog when we took a mini-vacation, and had my one friend over with her boys for dinner one time. In 3 and a half years. 

Even when I did work, back in MD, and then in OH, I didn't do anything outside of work or home really. Sometimes in Maryland, my friend Jill and I would get together, and while we had fun, in all honesty it was mostly play-dates for E and her daughter. I think we may have gone out once in almost 4 years of living there. 

Boring.

This part has nothing to do with loneliness but I don't buy clothes or shoes, for myself, unless it's an absolute necessity. I just don't find it worth it. I own 3 pairs of jeans right now, and that's it. Several shirts that get rotated each week (read: 8 or 9!). My pj's consist of old t-shirts that just aren't suitable for public sight, LOL - stains, etc and sweatpants/pajama pants. I own 2 dresses that I bought back in 2007 for my S-I-L Confirmation and I usually wear those to Mass, 2 or 3 dresses that no longer fit :( and 2 skirts that I'd wear but I have no "dress" shirts to go with them. I own one pair of black heels that I wear whenever I dress up, a few pairs of flip-flops for summer and  pair of sketchers shape-ups that I wear daily (even in the winter!) and have had at least 2 years now. My coat is about 5 years old, and I almost replaced it this year, but the one I wanted, they were out of my size locally and I didn't want to spend double ($120) on it online. I know, I probably sound cheap. I really do buy my clothes at Meijer. I haven't spend more than $15-20 on jeans or a shirt in a very long time, and when I did, it was only once I think, at Torrid. I actually splurged and spent $80 on some stupid jeans and they didn't even last as long as many of the ones I've gotten at Meijer!

I don't wear makeup. I don't see the point really. Jason doesn't mind and I'm sensitive to many of the ingredients anyway. Mascara and eyeshadow make my eyes itch and burn something fierce. I honestly can not get lipstick to look right, I haven't found a shade that looks good on me. Generally, the only jewelry I wear is my wedding ring and occasionally I'll wear a necklace. I have my ears pierced 3 times, but never even wear earrings anymore. I don't paint my nails (and even if I did, it would look like crap!). The last time I got my hair cut, I had it trimmed a couple of months ago, but usually it's a year or more in between because it feels like such a waste of money. It's not like I ever do anything with it anyway. Wash, condition, brush. Every day. It won't hold a curl, even with a can of spray. I don't even remember the last time I had it in a ponytail, haha. It's getting really long now though. Basically I'm not a fashionista, and I'm not into beauty "stuff". I don't have time, expertise, or the money to deal with it. 

I literally do nothing. I mean, I do stuff. I clean (sometimes, HA), cook, take care of the kids, watch tv, read, blog, facebook, etc. But when I leave the house, it's to take the kids to school, catechism, the doctor/dentist, or to go grocery shopping or to a restaurant with the family. We don't have a date night. Ever. We don't have a babysitter. Period. It's like a vacation to go visit our parents 2 hours away or my sister down in Columbus. Just to be around other people, other adults. I love Jason very much, but sometimes it's a drag to not have anybody to just hang out with and do stuff with besides him, or even go on a date with him.

Like I said though, I'm not trying to complain. I just don't think people understand where I'm coming from. I REALLY don't have any friends (at least that live close enough to just go visit) or a support system nearby besides Jason. My son's poor teacher is about the closest thing I have to a "coffee break" and only because when I get there each morning, I talk her ear off for 10 minutes or more. I'm surprised she hasn't reported me for stalking! LOL. Luckily, she's nice and has pity on this SAHM. Now I'm not saying all SAHMs are this way. I'm sure it's just me. I also don't think having a job would help. If I did, I would never see Jason, because we'd work opposite shifts so we wouldn't have to pay for daycare for Jack, let alone find someone we trust. I would probably have to work weekends, due to my skill set and experience. Plus, at work, I'm all about work, not making friends or socializing really. So I still wouldn't have friends or whatever.

I don't even know what the whole point of this post is. Sometimes, you just get a bug stuck in you, and you have to get it out, ya know? Whatever. It doesn't matter. It just is

7 Quick Takes #2

--- 1 ---

I'm looking forward to this weekend. We aren't doing much of anything tomorrow, but Sunday is going to be a fun, busy day. Ethan is in the regional bee for the Scripp's National Spelling Bee and if he wins, he goes on to the National Bee in Washington, DC. Alex is attending the Blue and Gold Banquet for Cub Scouts and will get (hopefully) his bobcat and wolf badges and possible his gold and first silver arrow points. He's super excited about it. Jason talked to his mom last night and they are going to come up and visit for the day. Jason and F-I-L will go with Alex, and M-I-L, Jack and I will go with Ethan, since the events are at the same time. Exciting!

--- 2 ---

 We've got a cold bug going around here. First, Jason, who hardly ever gets sick, came down with it a few days ago, but is feeling much better now. Then I started feeling not so great, first with a stuffy nose, aches, and just kind of yucky feeling. Now I'm pretty much just coughing and a bit stuffy. Last night, Baby Jack started coughing some and has a runny nose. :( This is probably his first real cold, though he had a stuffy nose for a couple of days a while back. I'm just hoping that he's better quickly and that E and A don't get sick.

--- 3 ---

The second trimester at school is over next week and we have conferences. I like that I can go online and keep track of their grades, so there's no shockers on the grade cards. Right now, they are doing good. Alex has all A's and E has mostly A's and B's with a C in Art. I'll be glad when Art is over for him, because his perfectionism holds him back so much in there. He's assigned Spanish next trimester, which I hope he enjoys. Alex has Spanish, too, but goes all year since he's only in elementary (3rd). Talent show is coming up at the end of March, right before Spring Break.

--- 4 ---

Speaking of Ethan, we've been having a lot of frustration lately, to the point of him being self-injurious. He'll pinch his cheeks, smack himself, bang his head with a book, he even poked himself in the leg with mechanical pencil. No amount of telling him not to seemed to be working. So I offered him some incentive. Earn a star for each day of no hurting himself, and a second star for following along with class (he has a tendency to go ahead in the subject, or finish early and then find something else to do) and collect 40 stars. At that point, he can pick out a (up to $15) video game. So far, he's had two great days in a row. We'll see if the bribe incentive works...

 --- 5 ---

Jason has to go out of town for work, starting March 3 but he'll be back the 8th, thankfully. He gets to go to Ft. Worth, TX to meet with the big bosses. It should be an interesting week around here.

--- 6 ---

 Thanks to a good friend who told me about them, I bought some dye-free suckers and gummy bears at Meijer (local grocery store). They are Yum Earth brand, and even though they are on clearance and we probably won't be able to get them there for much longer, I'm pretty excited! The suckers are pretty good - I especially like the watermelon flavor and the boys liked them a lot. They have yet to try the gummy bears, but I ate a pack. They are pretty good flavor-wise, but kind of hard/sticky, not really sure how to explain it. They don't remind me of the softer versions I'm used to, I guess. But none-the-less, they aren't bad at all! I'm sure the kids will enjoy them as a treat.

--- 7 ---

I played my flute the other day for the first time in a while and it was nice. I want to get into playing more often. I was even thinking of looking into a local community band that is through the community college, maybe in the fall. It might be fun! If not, at least I have quite a few decent pieces of music laying around here and the boys always love to hear me play. :)

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Lenten photo challenge

You may remember that I'm participating in a Lenten photo challenge. I figured I would share here for my less computer-savvy readers that may not get to enjoy my pictures on instagram, facebook or twitter but will come read the blog. (Hey, Mom!!) I will try to remember to share my pictures and thoughts once a week on here. Not only is it nice to share, but it really got me contemplating more too.

Day 1: Cross

This first picture is of a Crucifix I bought
when we lived in Ohio. A family was visiting
that was selling these beautiful hand-made
items and I fell in love with this. It's made
from olive wood. I chose this for the first day
as it's actually only on of two crosses we have
in our home. The other is a small pewter cross
that E received as a gift in celebration of his
First Communion 2 years ago. I'm sure we
have many small crosses somewhere, on the
many Rosaries we have but those are the only
"separate" crosses/crucifixes that we have.
Now that I'm thinking about it, it makes me
somewhat sad. On either side sit Angels, both bells, both gifts. They remind me of my Guardian Angel who is with Jesus!

Day 2: To Pray With

The second day we were to take a picture of something we can pray with. While I don't use it often enough, and I don't pray the Rosary nearly enough, I do carry this is my purse, along with a second one. This was a gift, and as horrible as this will sound, for the life of me, I can't recall from whom I received it! :( It is beautiful though and smells faintly of roses. The Rosary is a beautiful prayer, not to Mary but about Jesus, to Jesus, through Mary. The scriptural Rosary is a very powerful prayer, that helps you contemplate her life, Jesus' life and death, and brings you closer to God. I'm not sure why I don't pray it more, other than the fact that I just don't find time in my day to do it.

Day 3: Peace

Peace. What brings peace more than sleep? Ah, the sight of a sleeping baby. ;) This picture makes me smile, mainly because for a long time (and I very much treasure those moments!) Jackson wouldn't sleep anywhere but on my chest. Lately he's been sleeping in the crib at naptime most days, and at night for the first several hours and then co-sleeping in our bed after he wakes for that first night-time feed. Yes, he's still nursing during the night, at 13 1/2 months old. LOL. In fact, as I write this, he's napping very peacefully in our room and I am taking full advantage ;)

Day 4: Love

Love is many-splendored thing. Or something like that. It is unconditional in it's true form. This picture is of an image on a decorative plate that I found at a thrift store a few years ago. It has the Last Supper image in the center, and several images around the outer edge. It hangs in our dining room currently. This particular image, as I shared on instagram, reminds me of a mother's love for her child, the love Mary had for Jesus and the perfect Love God has for us. It is also a reminder of the love our children have for us. Jesus loves us even when we screw up, even when we sin. He knows we are not perfect, that we are "only human", after all God the Father made us this way, in His image, but not perfect or all-knowing. Yet He forgives us and loves us and encourages us to do better and "sin no more" even though tomorrow we will, and can only hope to try to do better.

Day 5: Light

I was trying to get a picture of the sanctuary lamp but as I was trying to take it, I decided it was easier to get the Tabernacle as well. It's truly fitting though, because He is in there, in the form of the Eucharist and He is the the Light of the World. The picture is blurry because I was holding a very squirmy 1 year old after Mass! Still, I think it conveys the message.

Day 6: Happiness

Happiness is bath time... (with daddy!) I only add the "with daddy" part because a.) I always just take over with the baby duties, i.e. feeding, bathing, etc, so it's a rare thing daddy gets the opportunity to do this, and last night, he just took over. LOL. He didn't even give me the chance to do it. b.) It was truly a happy moment for Jack, as he thought it was so neat that daddy was giving him a bath and was playing and giving him a mohawk with the shampoo. I love seeing my boys spending time with their dad. It really makes my day :)

Day 7: Fruit

Fruit given to us from the Earth, by God. A small harvest, truly: bananas, red grapes, strawberries, avocados, blueberries, pears, clementines, apple slices, and a mango! It's a true blessing. But what other "fruit" are we given? We will be known the fruits of our labor, our good works. This got me thinking. What fruit do I bear? Good will towards others? Surely not enough. Kindness? Nope. I argue with Jason and yell at the boys. Almsgiving? Not really, since it seems we never have anything to give. Service? The only place I volunteer is at school once in a while. Praying for others? On occasion, if I really remember to, though people I care about are always on my mind and I guess I do say a quick little prayer for them if something is going on. I'm truly grateful for all the "fruits" we have been given, the blessing from God - good, healthy food; Jason's job and paychecks; two vehicles that are safe and reliable; 3 amazing sons; all the extras that make life a little more fun; my sons' school and teachers; friends and family. But how do I give back, spread the blessings, bless others, share God's love? What can I start to do? What can I change? Food for thought...

7 Quick Takes Friday, #1 :)

This is my first time joining in on Quick Takes, so you'll have to forgive me. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right ;) I've seen it several times before and it looked like fun. 

 

--- 1 ---

 I joined Instagram on Wednesday. I saw a link-up on Facebook for Catholic Sistas to their Lenten photo challenge and thought "How neat it would be to join in!" I love to take photos and I'm trying to grow in my faith so this goes hand-in-hand with both. You can follow me on Instagram. My username is growingintome. :)

--- 2 ---

Baby J went to bed early last night but woke up around 10 and was wide awake till after midnight. He didn't eat a lot at dinner and even though he had nursed right before he fell asleep around 7:30, he was hungry. I gave him one of those baby smoothie things and he seemed happier. But he didn't want to go back to sleep, or be held. After a little while of playing, he didn't really know what he wanted. Just about midnight, he laid down on the living room floor and just crashed out. It was really sweet. Of course, by that point, I couldn't fall asleep and I never went to bed until 2:45 :-o Talk about a tired mama this morning!

--- 3 ---

Speaking of Baby J, and nursing, I think he's starting to slowly wean himself. It makes me sad and happy all at the same time. E and A both were formula fed after a few short weeks of struggling with breastfeeding, so this is a much longer time, being over 13 months now. It's been a really amazing journey, even with a few hiccups in the beginning. Having support and help has really made a difference, and he and I have such a wonderful bond and experience. Nursing a toddler is definitely different than nursing an infant, and I love the way his face lights up when I recognize what he wants and mama's milk makes him happy, healthy and full. I love that I can give him that and that he can play with daddy and still bond with him. That's been a journey in it's own right.

--- 4 ---

I'm babysitting today. 2 little girls, one that's 11 and in 6th grade with E, and was in his class last year, and one who is 6. They are usually over here on Wednesdays for a couple of hours after school. It's been very interesting to see the differences and likenesses between girls and boys. I'm not used to having girls around :) It's been kind of nice to have some other girls around, plus it's done wonders for my boys' social skills, especially E.

--- 5 ---

Ash Wednesday ended up being a long day. We didn't make it to morning Mass, and then by the time dinner was finished, and everybody was done with homework, I had lost track of time, so we didn't make to evening services either :( The boys have Catechism class tomorrow and we are going to make it to Mass at some point this weekend. It's been difficult taking the 3 boys myself but when we make it, it's so worth the effort. 

--- 6 ---

I'm still doing The 6 Ingredient Challenge and this week's writing prompt asks what new foods/recipes we are trying, so I'm eager to find at least a couple of new foods AND recipes. Join in over at Hobo Mama and Anktangle.

--- 7 --- 

There's a talent show coming up at the boys' school and they are doing a skit/dance with friend. Have you seen "pillow people"? It's really cute. I can't wait to see them do it. We've just got to get their costumes together and have them practice the dance. We're using the song "Cha Cha Slide 2.0" by DJ Casper, so it should be fairly easy to learn. I just hope they enjoy themselves. :)

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

6 Ingredient Challenge, Week 2

Join the Six Ingredient Challenge hosted by Hobo Mama and Anktangle!
We're on a six-week path to eat more whole foods, guided by one simple rule: Buy foods with six ingredients or fewer. And we're blogging about our journey on the way.
This week we're answering the question: How is the Six Ingredient Challenge going for you so far?
You can see all the responses to this question on February 14 at the link-up post.
To join in the Six Ingredient Challenge anytime during the six weeks, visit the sign-up page for a list of posts and to link up!

***

I'm doing this one a little different. I'm going to write little blurbs (hopefully each day) throughout the week and share on the 14th. 

2/8/13

 We are doing pretty good so far. I only do the main grocery shopping for the 5 of us every two weeks so it makes it a little easier. I do usually have to get a few perishables every few days, though. For us, I planned to buy as few items with more than 6 ingredients as possible. We did pretty good, but did (as I mentioned in week 1's post) buy cereal, granola bars, fruit snacks and a couple of other things that I really didn't even check. I know that the granola bars have 8 or 9 ingredients. Since we've already been buying mostly organic, avoiding food dyes, sodium nitrates/nitrites, and high fructose corn syrup, I figured those items would be our vices so to speak. In all honesty though, I have made some questionable choices. I had planned not to eat out at all, at least the first 2 weeks of the challenge. Especially after the pizza "incident". The other morning, we were running so far behind, Baby J and I didn't eat before we took the boys to school, so I treated us to breakfast at Big Boy's. Another morning, I stopped at Burger King for a quick breakfast (we are trying to cut fast food out entirely, but I'm struggling with this one). Finally, yesterday, we were out getting Baby J's birth certificate, had an hour left on our parking meter, and were across the street from numerous restaurants. I chose Subway, and while I know it's not healthy, it might have been better than the other choices. So starting fresh today. Over the next week, we will pick off the menu (mama included ;) ) and on Thursday or Friday I will start planning for the next 2 weeks. I'll probably plan it a little more flexible than before.

2/9/13
Still sticking to the challenge. I picked up some toddler smoothies for Jack today - the ones in the little pouches - for a quick snack or breakfast on days we are running late over the next week. I made sure to check the # of ingredients to and since water and fruit don't count, they had 5 ingredients each (yogurt/milk, and added vitamins).

2/10/13
I have got to learn how to make a good loaf of whole wheat bread :( We had to stop at the store after Mass today and get milk, eggs, dishwasher soap and, you guessed it, bread. I didn't even bother looking at the ingredients of the bread. I know it's more than 6 ingredients but my boys really like sandwiches for lunch and toast with eggs. I have a really nice breadmaker, but I've never had luck making a good sandwich loaf that everybody will eat. Especially, one that's whole wheat. However, I've recently started using King Arthur white whole wheat for all my baking and it seems quite a bit "lighter" so I may have to attempt again.

2/11/13
Ugh! Not doing good today. Well, actually, we had a great day in most ways. Snow day for the kids, so they played and helped out with the baby while I cleaned and re-organized the whole kitchen! Of course, I forgot to eat much of anything, and by dinnertime I had a headache. Tomorrow is trash day so we always try to do leftovers on Monday night. Jas had a parent/leader meeting for cub scouts so he was only home for a short time. Nothing sounded good to me so we fed the boys and after he was done with the meeting, he stopped and bought fast food. Blech! It wasn't even that good! Oh well. Thinking ahead to next week. Also, I talked to the boys about the gogurt they usually get for school lunches and we decided together that we aren't going to buy it anymore. It's sad when they add 3 thickening agents, plus vitamins into it to make it what it is. I explained we can use plain whole milk yogurt and add jelly/jam/applesauce/maple syrup/etc to flavor it and it will be healthier! They actually loved the idea. :)

2/12/13
Remembered that tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and we need a meatless meal. Jack and I stopped and picked up frozen shrimp (for Jas, E and A) and some boxed Annie's mac and cheese for all of us. I think the mac and cheese had 6 or 7 ingredients but it was darn close ;)

2/13/13
Yay, dinner turned out good with green beans thrown in for good measure. Since we were at an appointment, I did stop and grab some fries on the way home because I was starving. :( Not doing so good on the no fast food, no pop, no candy for Lent so far, and it's only the first day! But I am starting a new menu tomorrow and most of the stuff from the last two weeks were within the "rules" so I'm pleased. Now that I'm starting from scratch a little more so (having used up some things we already had, but may have been over 6 ingredients), I can really see where we are, and how we/I am doing. Our budget is a bit tighter this week so it should be interesting...

2/14/13
Happy Valentine's Day! We don't usually do anything special for V-day. Tonight we are just going to have chicken quesadillas for dinner. In conclusion for the week, I can say we did ok as a family, but mama, not so great. I am grateful for this though, because it is helping me see my mistakes, keeping me honest, and accountable, and at the end I hope to be able to come back and see how far we have come!!

Mama's been busy!

I spent seven-ish hours going through cupboards and drawers in the kitchen today. We had 2 overflowing junk drawers, lots of wasted space and just some things in not-so-convenient places. I moved a lot of things around as well as cleared off some counter-space.

Have you ever noticed that once you start throwing stuff away, how much easier it is to part with things? I filled at least one garbage bag with trash, plus 2 brown paper grocery bags with recyclables! Being down to one, semi-organized junk drawer is nice, as is having things available that you use daily.

Next up: the family room/office. Our desk is a mess! I used to do all our budgeting and bill-paying out there until Jas bought the laptop. Now I usually figure out the budget at the dining room table and then pay the bills from the living room. Our poor, neglected desktop and desk are overflowing with old statements, papers, dust, and random things that we just set down and forget about. It's definitely a catch-all for clutter. I need to go through our filing cabinet too and get rid of anything older than 6 months. I like to keep statements from every bill at least 6-12 months just in case. I can go back and make sure I paid the bill, when and how much. Also, I need to tackle the bookcase. I have a ton of books that I've read, and many I haven't. Many will probably never get read again, not because they're not good, just because, a lot of the time, if I've read it, I tend not to go back to it. The kids have a tendency to bring stuff out there and just forget about it.

This mama is ready for bed now though. All three of my handsome little men are sound asleep, Jas is home and I'm exhausted. We have a long day ahead of us, as well as a full week. A has cub scouts tomorrow. I'm babysitting Wednesday. Baby J has his PT eval Thursday and E has to turn in his Ronald Reagan report. Then E and A have a 4-day weekend (mid-winter break. Didn't they just go back from Christmas break? It's weird to me...), with Catechism class on Saturday, and - hopefully - Mass on Sunday. We did good this weekend. We (the three boys and I - Jas doesn't go to Mass typically, only for special occasions) made it to 8am Mass and the boys were well-behaved and polite. It was a special day for A though, he received  a special blessing as a scout!

I was sitting here thinking the other day and realized if I could have the perfect place to live, it would include at least one thing from every place we've lived. From NY: my job - the place and the position I was in, because even though I was a manager-in-training at a pizza joint, it was fun!, my friend Cathy (and her kids of course!). From MD: our parish - which is where I went through RCIA- including my sponsors/Godparents, my friend Jill and her daughter. From OH: our families, my friend Sharon and her family. From MI: my kids' school - including all the teachers, well most, there are a couple I do NOT like, but we are like a large family (it truly takes a village!), my friend Julie and her kids. Then I would throw in some amazing friends I've made online, but never met. It's funny how things are though. We never really realize what we have until it's gone.

Old blog post (Truth is.)

Truth is.

*I wrote this for my old personal blog originally on Nov. 30th, 2011. Most of it still applies. Except for paragraph 3 - I am proud to say Jackson and I have made it to one year nursing! Also paragraph 7 - I get to add that I have more family to love in the form of 2 future BILs, (coincidentally both named Matt!) as well as 2 more nieces. I've been meaning to share this for a while. It is truly one of my favorite pieces of writing. I need to start putting myself out there more and I guess this is my way of doing that :)*

Have you seen this on FaceBook? I've seen several people (nephew, sis-in-law, nephew's g/f, cousin, etc) do this. They put as their status "Like for a truth" and anybody that likes their status, they then post on their wall something about that person, such as truth is I miss hanging out with you, or something along those lines. Always nice stuff it seems like. Well I'm going to change it up a bit and write a post of truths about me. This is going to be my first blog for December and NaBloPoMo on BlogHer. It was going to be something different but I was thinking about this on the way home from getting my munchkins from school and it feels right. It will be "raw" and open, honest and maybe too much so, but here goes.


Truth is I can be totally manic. I can be calm one minute and yelling the next for what seems like nothing. I love deeply and yet not enough. I get attached to people too easily and never know if they really care or are just humoring me. I have a hard time opening up to people but once I open up, watch out. I still can't always share my opinion with certain people because I don't want to hurt their feelings or disagree with them. I don't always make the best decisions with my kids but I always try to be a good mom. I am a mean mom, because they don't get to play video games during the week and only 2 hours each day on Saturday and Sunday, I don't buy pop all the time - it's a treat with pizza or when we go out to dinner, I make E sit in a booster seat still even though he's 9 because he's under the height/weight limit, I won't let them eat in our new van (yet) cause I want it to stay somewhat clean, I make them pick up toys (not nearly enough though) and put away clean clothes, I expect them to eat whatever I fix for dinner and then take care of their dishes after meals, I expect them to do homework and study hard. Mind you, they don't think I'm really mean, except when I yell at them ;)

Truth is I am scared to have another baby. It's been 6 years since I've cared for a newborn around the clock, changed diapers, tried nursing, and functioned on less than 6 hours of sleep. I'm worried about post-partum depression, even minor baby blues, especially since I HAVE to be able to leave the house and take my older boys to school and after-school functions and be somewhat presentable. I'm worried about nursing. I didn't have the support I truly needed with the boys. People tried but gave me an out, thinking that was supportive. I believed, at the time, it was and it wasn't meant any other way. But it would've been more supportive to say, you can do this, try one more day, he's having wet/dirty diapers - he's getting enough, I've been there/done that. But I didn't have anybody that knew those things, all my family members had bottle/formula-fed and we were hours and hundreds of miles away, so I didn't have help nearby. I didn't have a close friend I could call when I was desperate for someone to just listen and say just make it through this day, this feeding and then rest. Someone to remind it's ok to do nothing but nurse, eat and sleep if I need to. I gave up. I don't want to give up this time. I know more now. I know where to go for help. I've done research and reading and I feel confident now. I have a friend I can call if I have to. But truth is I'm still worried! I'm scared of labor and delivery. Obviously I know my body knows what to do, I've been through it twice but still. I'm worried about Jason. I'm worried about the boys.

Truth is I want to just sit and read a good book and not be bothered for several hours at some point in the next week but I know that I won't make it happen. Truth is there are dishes that need washed and I don't feel like doing them.

Truth is I love food. I love to eat. Especially junk food. Chocolate. Candy. Pizza. Oh, pizza. How I'd give anything for pizza tonight for dinner. But alas, I will wash those dishes, and I will cook dinner. What's for dinner? Eh, I'm not sure. Probably chicken cordon blue and some pasta or potatoes or something. Lucky for the hubby, the kids had pizza for hot lunch at school today so I won't even mention that that's what I would love to have for dinner. Nachos from 7-11. Yes, really. I don't know why. They always give me a stomach ache but those with a Pepsi Slurpee and I'm good! See. I told you. Junk food. I like real, good food though too. Chicken fried steak, baked fish, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes with gravy, kielbasa, spaghetti, beef/chicken tacos with all the fixin's, steak, baked potatoes, any kind of pasta, garlic bread. Oh! Gotta stop with the food. I'm making myself hungry. Although, being 8 1/2 months preggo that isn't hard to do, LOL.

Truth is FaceBook is kind of annoying. I spend WAAAAAY too much time on there. I can see why Jas avoids it like the plague. ;)

Truth is I love my family. Not just my hubby and boys. I love my mom and dad, my sister L and her hubby, my sister H, my MIL, FIL, BIL J, SIL J, SIL M, my 6 nephews and 2 nieces. I'm sad when we only get to go home for a few days here and there. But at the same time after a couple days visiting, I'm ready to go home. We all are. It's more about being able to be in our own house and sleep in our own beds than anything. If we lived near them, the visits would be less hectic, more fun and relaxing. Plus we could trade off whose house we were at. We might even get some much needed adult time more often. Maybe even a date night once in awhile ;)

Truth is I have acquaintances, I have friends and then I have friends who are more like family. Some of my friends, I wish I had more time to get to know them better and grow closer to them. The friends who are like family are so special to me and while it's a small number they mean the world to me and I'm glad they are who they are.

Truth is I am so grateful my husband's job allows me to stay home. I hear alot of women say that they would get bored or resentful or whatever. Well I do get bored. I do feel lonely. But at the same time, I have a lot of time to myself and I have the opportunity to be able to take/pick my kids up from school, volunteer whenever I feel like it, and be home with them at a moment's notice. I don't have to worry about daycare or finding a sitter if they get sick. This isn't meant as a dig at working moms. I respect you more than you could ever know. It's just not right for OUR family. It's not right for ME. I love being a stay-at-home mom/wife, even when I don't ;)

Truth is there are always going to be things I want in this world. Some things I will get, some things I won't. That's ok with me. I am not a child. I don't feel the need to have everything I want, when I want it, all the time. Money is not the most important thing. Stuff is not the most important thing. Corny as it sounds, my family IS the most important thing to me. Sure, a dishwasher would be awesome so I don't have to spend the time standing there handwashing all the dishes, but I've lived without one for over a year. Sure, I'd love a kindle so I could read anywhere, anytime without lugging a heavy book around, but I'm ok without one too. Besides if I got those things, I would just find something else to bug about "wanting", LOL. Of course I want to take the boys to Disneyland or the Grand Canyon. Who says we can't? And why not? because we'll have a baby?! Pashaw! That is not good enough. Having a little baby with you is no reason to not allow yourself or the older kids to enjoy something. It's an excuse and a lame one at that. Will it make it more difficult? Yes. Will we have to improvise? Work together as a couple? Yes. Wow, what a concept. We are awesome parents and we can do ANYTHING we set our minds to. Just like we tell the boys. They can do whatever they want, they just have to try. Put some effort in. So why as adults do we forget this? or think it doesn't apply to us? Geez.

Truth is this post has become quite the ramble!

Truth is it's not even the first of December yet, it's only the 30th right now and I'm writing away. More than I have in months. It feels really good to just pour it out and not edit my thoughts.

Truth is I really should go. My family will want dinner soon and Jason will be home any time now, hopefully. I should wash some of the dishes and throw together something. It will probably turn into a leftover night instead of that chicken cordon blue because, truth is, I don't really want to cook tonight!!