From Public to Private to Specialized to Charter: Our Education Journey So Far

Since yesterday's post disappeared and erased over half of this, I had to try and rewrite it. I hope I didn't leave anything out! And hopefully the internet won't eat it again ;)

When Ethan was about 18 months old, and we were still living in Southern Maryland, we had him evaluated through the early childhood education program. This was our first experience as parents with any kind of "school". Ms. Kim was awesome. She came out to the house for several months, 1-2 times a week and worked with E and us, getting him to sign a few things, talk, socialize, etc. We also did some play group activities.

Once we moved back to our hometown in Ohio, Ethan was 4 and Alex was 16 months. We were living with Jason's family for a few months, in our old school district and decided to wait on preschool for E and worked with him at home. In March, we moved across town to a different school district, one of the best in the area, and put him in their special education preschool for a couple of months, knowing he would start kindergarten in the fall. He did well, and the teachers were really nice.

Kindergarten was interesting. From Aug to December, E was in the same great district, in a great school, going half-day with a bus ride. They worked with us, got him his first "official" school diagnosis as well as an IEP (before school-age it's called something different, as it's family based rather than individual) and he was doing well. His teacher, the aide and the other students adored him.

In December, while Jason was in Afghanistan for contract work, we moved from our rental home to the house we purchased across the street from my in-laws. Which meant a change in districts, and schools. For E, this was a big change. Half-day to full-day, 23-25 kids to 32+ in the class, regular clothes to uniforms, bus ride to no bus service (too close to the school, so he was considered a "walker", and I drove him each day), and he did not really adjust well. I was somewhat excited because it was my old elementary school and I had mostly good memories. A lot had changed in those years though. I turned over all his records including his IEP and assumed it was being put into effect. After about a month of phone calls, early pick-ups due to meltdowns/crying, E telling me kids in his class were stealing his lunch (5 year olds!!!) and other bullying, I spoke with the teacher. I waited that long, because I knew there would be an adjustment period and learning period. However, that day I found out something that angered me. His teacher knew NOTHING of his IEP. It wasn't implemented, and it was somehow LOST!!!! I was pissed! Jason wasn't home yet, but if he had been, oh boy. I should've realized after the first day that we were going to have problems, after all, I witnessed 2 kindergarteners fist-fighting in the classroom... At the end of the year, we pulled him out of there.

There are so many options for school and our next choice was a private Catholic school.  It was my in-laws parish and my sister-in-law was attending there and Jason, his brother and sister had all graduated 8th grade from there. The principal knew the family and was nice, so I spoke with her and told her about Ethan's autism diagnosis and school difficulties in terms of behavior and meltdowns. She let me know it should be fine and so at then end of August 2008, Ethan started 1st grade. In the first few weeks, while Jason was already working in Michigan and commuting, I got many phone calls, either to come get him, or saying he was "getting an attitude and being disrespectful" but once it was explained what he said, it was more of a matter of him correcting the teacher or telling her he didn't "need to do" such and such - the lack of a filter of what to say and what not to say and to whom. Not saying my child is NEVER disrespectful, but the majority of the time, he was/is  being overly honest and speaking his mind without the INTENTION of hurting feelings and therefore not being disrespectful as there is absolutely no intention behind it. If that makes sense. And he has since learned to censor what he says a little better ;) Anyway, by mid-October, I was brought in to speak to the principal and was told we should start looking for a different environment because she wasn't sure it was working out and gave me a number to call for an organization that she thought worked with special needs kids including kids with ASD. I told her I would look into it. After 10 days or so, and doing my own research and not really finding anything, I hadn't heard any more from the school and I figured everything had settled down. The same day I got a letter essentially kicking Ethan out due to lack of resources for his "condition". Really? I had been up front and she said it would be fine. At the time, I was very hurt and angry, so I pulled him out and went to speak with her. She said something along the lines of "well I thought our last conversation cleared it all up and you were going to have him enrolled elsewhere by now. I called those people and apparently they no longer work with kids with ASD, only FAS. Sorry." Mind you, I couldn't even get in touch with "those people", so we got our tuition money back and didn't send him for a few days.

At this point, we found S.A.I.L. (School for Autistically Impaired Learners). They rented some rooms at a different Catholic elementary school and had one-on-one aides for each student in a multi-age and multi-grade class, and also the possibility to integrate into the Catholic school's regular ed classrooms if and when the students were ready. E started there in November and they quickly integrated him into the classroom and realized he was academically advanced. With our approval, they moved him to second grade and by January he spent most of his time - with his aide in the classroom, too - in the Catholic school's 2nd grade classroom. At the end of year, we sent E and Alex both to their summer school session, as they had a peer-to-peer program that Alex could attend as a typical peer. The director of S.A.I.L. felt that no matter where E went the next year, with the right supports, he could ideally be in the regular classroom full time, whether with an aide or a "safe place" if necessary to decompress.

Since Jason had been working and living most of the week in a rental room in Michigan and coming home on the weekends, it had been an extremely long year. We realized that it was time to be a family again in the normal sense and sell our house and move to Michigan. We found a rental house and started searching for a good school. The very first week we moved there, Jason had to travel for work, and school was scheduled to start. We were still looking at houses and different areas, so I was driving around with the boys one day and happened upon the charter school. I called and talked to the vice principal the Thursday after school started and we set up a walkthrough and meeting for the following day. After explaining E's diagnosis yet again, and detailing our previous experiences, we were welcomed with open arms. E started 3rd grade Monday morning. That year was a little rough, as there were many adjustments, and the teacher for the first part of the year had moved from K to 3rd that year and was somewhat unorganized and the teacher that took over after the winter holiday break was tougher, stricter. I was called a lot but mostly to keep me in the loop. 4th grade was better for E, as his teacher was organized but fairly laid back and Alex started kindergarten with the nicest kindergarten teacher ever! The following year, Alex went to one week of 1st grade before they came to me and asked if they could test him and move him to 2nd grade, which I agreed, and his teacher that year was amazing! Ethan also had a better year yet again, even though his very sweet and caring teacher went out on maternity leave in February. Luckily she was replaced with an equally good substitute. There were also a lot of changes here at home, having added a new member to our family in Jan 2012. 6th grade for Ethan, his teacher was so great and had a good insight into ASD and special needs and we decided on a self-contained class for E as we felt the rotating classes on top of his anxiety might prove to much for him. We were so glad the school offered it. Alex was lucky to have Ethan's old 4th grade teacher teaching 3rd last year, so we already knew it would be a good year.

So far this year, it's been a good year. Alex is in 4th and his teacher is trying her best to academically challenge him - he's still reading above grade level (mind you, chronologically he should only be in 3rd this year) as well as most other subjects he's doing exceptionally in. E is in the self-contained 7th grade - per his request - and seems to be doing well behavior wise, and academically, he's being challenged despite also being ahead of 7th grade level in many subjects (again he should technically only be in 6th) and his teacher is doing a great job of helping him learn coping skills.

While it seems like we love our school - which for the most part we do! - there are some silly, little things (maybe some not so little, too) that irritate us.

1. The school is preschool through 12th grade split into four buildings, with a small gym, a big gym, a main office, music room, resource rooms, mtss rooms, media/library, small library - not really functional, small cafeteria and warming kitchen. I feel that if the school had been planned/built differently it could be more efficient.

2. The cafeteria is small and there's no "real" kitchen. Had they planned appropriately, they could have put in a real kitchen and had more lunch options and not had to cater the lunches, therefore avoiding the need to pre-order lunches a month in advance. We don't personally buy school lunch, as we don't like the choices (only one choice each day, and not so "real" food) but if we were late one day or something, we don't have the option to just send money in to buy lunch that day. Also there is a big kitchen in the preschool/library/spanish/resource room building attached to the "little" gym/multipurpose room. If it were me, I'd have just made it useful and used the multipurpose room as the cafeteria and used the kitchen that's already there. I think it's fully equipped! They could offer choices to the kids and make fresh, homemade foods in there... But that's just me and I'm not in charge ;)

3. The administration. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the teachers. The administration is somewhat lacking. I don't think they are bad people, just maybe not in the right positions for who they are. If that makes sense. The lack of organization and seemingly communication is appalling. Also there seems to be a lot of gossip, "high school" behavior, not just within the admin, but all the staff, teachers included. I may be misinterpreting, but sometimes, I want to remind people they are adults. But it's also some of the other parents too! I will probably get some slack for this...

4. The parking lots. Is it just me, or do people just not know proper etiquette when it comes to driving and parking? Or maybe they can't read the big bold yellow paint that says "NO PARKING"!!!!! It drives me absolutely nuts! And then I get looks like I'M the weird one! Really? I'm following the arrows, and parking in a marked space. Or I let the pedestrians have the right-of-way. Regardless of how others drive and park, the parking lots are not large enough for the amount of growth the school has had. There just aren't enough spots. I know they are planning to expand the elementary lot.

5. Expansion. I know there is talk of adding on to the HS building and moving middle school over there, which would actually be a great thing.

6. Currently no PTO. As well as lot of junk sold at games/events, bake sales (at least last year) during lunch periods and popcorn sales on Fridays. Popcorn CAN be healthy, however after helping last year, I've decided I will NOT be allowing my boys to buy popcorn from school. They will bring popcorn from home, made with less oil and salt, and no artificial colors and flavors. Although, I ran out of time today so I let them just this once.

Julie's testimonial about artificial food-dye

Anybody who knows me pretty well knows that I am always ranting (HA!) about food dye and why it's not good for us, etc. Today, I want to share a guest post from my friend Julie. This is her family's story and just one more reason I know I'm doing the right thing for my boys. :) If you follow us on FB, then I'm sure you have already read it, but I wanted to share it on here, too.

*Guest post, by Julie*

Before this past January I really never gave much thought to artificial food dyes or the effect they had on our bodies. I had heard tid bits about red 40 and yellow 5 & 6. The brighter and more colors, the more likely my kids would eat it, and they did.
I chose to try dye free for a week to see if it would help with some behavioral problems I was having with my son. He had been having an increasing hard time focusing in school, almost no impulse control, extreme mood swings, and was only getting 3-5 hours of restless sleep a night (which probably contributed to his mood swings). Many of his problems were possible side effects to his ADHD medication. He was diagnosed in kindergarten (4 years ago) with ADHD and promptly put on medication. The medication worked wonders, and when it didn't then his dosage or medication was switched. However it seemed the meds have stopped working and his doctor had started talking about my son having more than ADHD going on, because he was out of ideas of what other meds to try.
I had shared with Crystal some of what was going on and how I was at a lose for what to try next. I really didn't want my child diagnosed with a life altering label. She challenged me to try removing artificial food dyes for a week and to look into how food dyes effect behavior. Over the weekend, I looked into it and was first shocked then angry. There was so much research about the link between ADHD and dyes and hundreds of testimonies from parents. How could I never heard about this?! I couldn't believe there was a alternative to medication, and how could our doctor never offer this as alternative before he had me give my 6 year old pills. I decided it was worth a try, at this point I felt I had nothing to lose.
That Monday school was closed due to extremely cold temperatures. I told me kids we were doing an experiment and that we weren't going to have anything that had a number in the ingredients for one week. I didn't tell them what results I was hoping to see. They helped me box up all the foods that had dyes. We went shopping to restock our cupboards and they actually had fun reading labels and finding new foods to try. We were all surprised my how much stuff has dyes.
I was nervous about how they would do at school when I wasn't there to monitor what they were eating and about them feeling left out at snack time. The teachers were very supportive and had dye free alterative that I sent in.
Three days into the challenge I saw the first sign of improvement! My insomniac child fell asleep only after and hour of being sent to bed and slept all the way to morning!! I was so excited, but still cautious that it may have been a fluke. The following days he continued to fall asleep easier and slept through the night. His teacher told me that he was more on track than he had been in a long time. At home little things that would have sent him into a tailspin didn't seem to phase him. The other boys had also calmed down, had more impulse control, and better ability to handle their emotions resulting in less arguing amongst them. My son's eczema had started clearing up. The changes weren't only with the kids; my migraines were gone, I had more energy. When I slipped up and had a Mt. Dew, I would get a killer headache and would be more irritable and short with the kids.
Seeing the results removing dyes has made for us, we have chosen to stick with it. It didn't turn me boys into perfect little gentlemen. They still bicker and argue, the still run through my house and are loud; but they aren't completely out of control anymore. We have been dye free for just over 3 months. I know there are other reasons to avoid artificial dyes, but Crystal will have to elaborate on them she is more knowledgeable than I am on the topic.

I also commented with the following challenge in my comment to her FB post: Thank you so much for sharing, Julie!! I'd love to hear from any of our readers, too. 1.) Would anyone be willing to take up the challenge for a week (or longer?!) and go dye-free? or 2.) Are you already dye-free and can you share your testimonial here in the comments? ~ Crystal

32

My weekend went a little something like this. Crazy.busy.non-stop. Ha!

Friday morning, Jackson had a 9am dr. appointment which went pretty well. Jack is healthy and strong. He's 21 lbs 10 oz (he actually gained more than 1 1/2 lbs in just under a month! That may be a record for him!) and he's 31 1/4 inches tall! I had to fill out another questionnaire like I did at his 12 month appointment for gross motor, fine motor and speech assessment. He scored a little low on his gross motor again ~ but one of the questions was about climbing/crawling up stairs, which was impossible to assess since we live in a ranch (with a basement, but he doesn't go down there), so that was a "not yet" answer ~ and he was borderline for speech. The pediatrician ~ whom I love, but am a little frustrated with about this ~ is wanting us to call that early childhood place again. Since they said they would follow up in May and the PT gave me her name and number if I had questions before, I will call her directly and see what she thinks. Also, over the weekend, at my sister's, he proved he can crawl up a whole flight of stairs, and he learned a new word or two. Jack says "dog" now and it sounded like he said A's name and a couple of other things too. So honestly, I think it's so hard to follow those assessments. I understand why and that they are probably very helpful and a great tool, but sometimes, it's not a good indicator of skills/milestones. Also, she wants us to sign a form about vaccines, saying we are declining and it goes to the state or county health department. I really want to wait since I know we don't really need to sign anything till school starts (5 more years!) plus the way it reads somewhat worries me. We are not necessarily planning to get him any, but currently we are delaying until at least 2. E and A won't be getting anymore either. It's a personal decision based on lots of research and loads of discussion with Jas. I know it's a controversial choice and people may not agree but it's our choice. Besides, I have to say, he's been our healthiest boy so far... makes you wonder, you know?

OK. So back to the weekend's craziness!

Jas, E, Alex, Jack and I drove to Toledo, and took the older boys to Jason's parents' house for the weekend. Oh and Buddy, our dog. I have to say, my in-laws are pretty wonderful to not only take Ethan and Alex for 3 days but also our dog when they already have 2 of their own! It was super-helpful. After we dropped them off, we went to pick up my mom and visit my dad for a few minutes before heading South to Columbus!

On the way, we stopped at picked up my nieces (my sister's fiance's daughters), A - 10 and M - 12.

Friday night, we ate dinner and then between all of us girls, we got some of the wedding favors taken care of (no details, because I know some family members will be reading this! ;) ) and finally go some sleep.

We all woke up pretty early Saturday, some earlier than others *ahem, Matt!* (<--- he was up and out in the yard both days before us, building stuff!), ate a quick breakfast and headed out to the bridal store to look for dresses for us bridesmaids. Of course, the store had our appointment wrong, made Heather (my sis) pick up her dress that day ~ the wedding is in September... ~ and the first lady we worked with was so rude. We got "assigned" to a different, much nicer lady but we couldn't all agree on one dress. The one we all kind of liked was way over-budget, before alterations (and because I'm fat - hey, I am! - there was an additional $20-40 charge.) so we decided to keep looking.

Heather, the girls, mom, Jack, Chelsea (another bridesmaid) and her daughter and I went to lunch at IHOP in between shopping. I think it was a much needed break and we were able to sit and talk a little about our plans for a bridal shower.

 The next place we went to was not really any better. They were a little more polite, but the selection stunk and anything we did like didn't come in our color (hello, black is a pretty easy color for a dress, people!). No luck.

Off to the mall. Well, most of us. Chelsea and her daughter live about an hour from Heather and it was already after 4, so they had to get home. I feel bad that we wasted their time shopping. :( Chelsea is very nice and between her and her daughter, I was cracking up!

So we checked a few stores at the mall, to see if maybe they had any prom dresses that might work. Ugh. Time to just go home.

Late dinner - pizza which was yum! - and Heather and mom and the girls did some more of the favors while I tried to get Jack down for the night.

Oh by the way, Saturday was also my birthday. Not to mention, I'm not really a fan of clothes shopping but this was somewhat fun. Even when it was stressful, LOL. I got a sweet card from my honey.

Heather did some online searches and found another local bridal shop that opened at 11am Sunday that looked promising.

After a big breakfast, all of us girls and the baby went out to the shop, which is in a 120+ yr old farm house! To be honest, upon first sight, I was a bit nervous about their selection. As soon as we walked in, we were greeted by three very sweet ladies who showed us where to look, got us what we needed and helped immensely. We found 5 dresses to try on and since the largest in-store size was a 12, we had M try on the dresses. 2 of them we somewhat liked, 2 we didn't really, and 1 we fell in love with. We can get it in black with ivory, it's much less expensive (by almost $100!!) and comes in every size we need. I tried it on with a corset-type strapless and while I couldn't get the 10 zipped all the way up, it gave me a good idea of the fit and I loved the flowiness (sp?) of it. By the way, Mom got it on, zipped and it was big on her! I think that put a big smile on her face :) She looked beautiful in it - too bad she's not a bridesmaid, LOL. Also the salesgirl didn't charge me the "extra" fee so I got it for the same price even though I needed larger than a 16 (typically they charge $25 per the manufacturer/designer). We put half down on mine, M's and A's. Chelsea and Marcy, the other bridesmaids, got pictures texted to them and they both answered with an affirmative answer :) Thank goodness. I was getting depressed that we were having such a hard time!

By this point it was after 1pm, so we had to get the van loaded so we could head back to Toledo, drop off Mom and go to Jason's parents' house. We didn't get there till 5:30. My MIL had dinner ready almost immediately (thankfully!) and we went out and played for a little while with the boys before cake and ice cream. We never got on the road till after 8, I think. Home around 10pm, boys were in their jammies, so they went straight to bed.

This morning was a little rough because all of us were tired from a long week/weekend and a late night again, and I didn't realize we had finished the juice boxes sometime last week so when I went to pack lunches this morning, I had to dig out $0.30 for each of the boys to buy milk (chocolate for E since he can't stand regular ~ he's got to have something with lunch and I don't have a small thermos for water that fits in their lunch bags :( ). We were late, but neither of them seemed to upset. I didn't remember till I was helping E at his locker, that I forgot snacks for both of them. It's going to be a long day...

Oh. Yeah. The title of the post is 32. I forgot. I turned 32 on Saturday. But apparently I look 17. According to A, at least. LOL. That was a great compliment. I look half my age! Yay! But I also don't look old enough to have kids, she said. Hehehe. Silly, sweet girl.

Baby J's appointment

Today was Baby J's eval for physical therapy. At his 12 month appointment, I filled out an "ages and stages assessment" to rate where he was with all of his gross and fine motor skills, speech, and social skills. He missed passing for gross motor by 1 "point" so his pediatrician referred us to the local ISD for an eval through their early childhood program. We went over there and spent a good hour to hour and 1/2 talking and playing. J is approximately at 11 months developmentally with gross motor skills (he's currently 13 months 1 week) so he's in the right range, and everywhere else he's in the 12-13 month range. So he's fine. But she did notice he uses his right leg to stand up with, to switch position, etc., favoring it over the left. Even to the point of his left leg being a little weaker. Most people favor one side, but to prevent any issues, she gave us some suggestions, some exercises, to do with him to get him to use his left leg more and she figures he'll be walking very soon. She also noted that he curls his toes on that foot and said to try and help him stand flat on it.

I noticed a while back that his left thumb doesn't bend, or rather straighten, at the knuckle so he hyper-extends it where your thumb is attached to your hand. Just as I was about to mention it to the PT and ask her, she noticed it also. She said it probably isn't related to his leg/foot favoring but it still could be a concern and she would definitely bring it up at his 15 month appointment. So I have to remember that, plus he has a small lymph node on the top/ right side of his head that is "enlarged" for lack of a better word. I mentioned it before and the ped said it shouldn't be swollen but lets just keep an eye on it, so in April I will bring it up again.

Oh and his surgery for his testicle isn't until May 28th. So it's a long couple of months till that happens. I'd much rather do it now and just get it over with!

Talking more

Baby J loves to play peek-a-boo and just added "boo" to his vocabulary. So now, he says boo and uh-oh consistently, and he babbles a lot. I  think he said car, blueberry, E's name, and thanks at least once each, and Jas heard hat. He does say mama and dada sometimes, and knows who we are but turns it into a game with us. I'm just glad he's starting to talk. He's also very social, playful, and learning to engage us. He will purposefully try to hide and wait for you to "look" for him and peek out from behind the chair/blanket/whatever. Just last night, he tried to throw the blanket over A's head to get him to play peek-a-boo. He's playing dropsie right now with E (picking up and dropping the remote while saying uh-oh, just so E will pick it up again). Baby J and A will roll a ball back and forth and he tries to throw it too. He was "diving" onto the floor last night. It was so cute. He would be on his knees, put his arms out and lean forward, gently falling toward the floor with intention and kind of catching himself with his face just an inch or so from the floor, chin down, eyes up, and laughing uncontrollably. Then he'd turn a quarter turn and do it all over again. We were all cracking up. Then E was tickling him and he was giggling like crazy. Oh yeah, and he waves and says "hah" for hi. Too cute.