this...

Sometimes, you just have to walk away from things that are causing more problems than they are helping. By doing so, you can commit more fully to the people and things that mean the most to you and have been there the longest - for me, that's my husband and my boys.

It sounds like an excuse, but it's so much more than that.
When I decided to start being a Beachbody Coach, I didn't discuss it with Jason. I just jumped right in, with both feet. Now, while it may be a great fit for some people, I've struggled with it. I want to help people, help them get healthy and fit, learn to eat right, all the while doing the same for myself. But I feel like a.) nobody is interested or b.) nobody can afford to buy the workouts and/or shakes. Now I know what other coaches will say: It's not about selling. I get that, but to an extent it is. They need to find a workout that is their soul-mate workout, and there are so many good choices and the shakes are super healthy, but most people I know though just can't do it. I'm not good at reaching out to new people, either.  Not only has it been stressing me out, because I don't know what/how/who, even with my awesome team's help (it's truly not about them, it's all about what I can and can't do, handle and control), but we have been spending money on our own shakes as well as our business fees. This has caused some budgetary concerns - minor, but very real.

After the first of the year, our insurance went up, as did the 401k  deductions, and we are trying to save some money for some home improvements we want to do as well as other things. One more reason to cut expenses.

I am trying not to think of this as quitting or giving up on something, so much as re-prioritizing. Things need to change and this is where they can. We needed to take a long hard look at things, and really step back. I choose them, over ANYTHING else.

My commitment has been and always will be, first and foremost, to the love of my life, Jason, and our 3 sons, Ethan, Alex, and Jack. When I sat down and spoke with Jason about quitting being a coach, and my why's, we discussed openly and came to the conclusion that it's what's right for our whole family, because I'm struggling with it.

 Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.  ~Simone Signoret

I love this quote, because for me those threads are our conversations, our fights, our compromises, our willingness to fight for one another and for our family unit.

I love being married.  It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.  ~Rita Rudner
 

I hope I don't annoy him too much, and even when he annoys me, I love him more than life.

What needs changing in YOUR life today? For me, it's hunkering down into our family more, and shutting out the world just a bit, while still sharing, growing, loving, and moving on from things that just don't fit. I'm thankful for the opportunity I had, and am not sorry I attempted. I did learn things, and will always be grateful for that. I feel like I've made some new friends along the way and reconnected with old acquaintances, too.

On to bigger and better things. Like my eldest son's school spelling bee in an hour. Yes, that's right, E won the class bee again this year, and goes to the next level. If he wins, it will be the charter school bee and possibly the Scripps regional bee again. Even if he doesn't make it, I'm proud of him and Alex for all their hard work in school. (Alex was disappointed because he didn't win his class bee, but he was happy for his good friend that did :) ) Oh, and of course, my writing, online and offline. I have had some book ideas floating around in my head for months now, and while they might not be any good at all, I need to get them on paper and share with someone...

First day of November and NaBloPoMo!

Today's prompt over on BlogHer for NaBloPoMo is:

If you found one million dollars in the morning and had to spend it by nightfall, what would you do with the money?

I would have to say I'd start by paying off all of our bills, house, and vehicles. After that, I'd give the boys' school $250,000 to upgrade their classrooms and add on to the school (technically I would have spent the money in that day, even if the school didn't ;) ).

I'd buy Jason whatever truck he wants, a 1987 Buick Grand National and a boat. For me, a 64 1/2 blue convertible mustang, an RV, and an iPad and a new wardrobe. The boys would each get a (small) shopping spree at a toy store or wherever they wanted.

We'd pay for 3 vacations - one to Disneyland or Disneyworld, one to Europe and one to Australia.

We'd definitely buy cars or homes for siblings and parents, depending on what they need/want.

Land for us - several acres - and a nice house. ATV's and mini-bikes or dirt bikes.

Donate to autism therapies and medical costs for families, and some good charities.

Nothing really unusual. I'm sure given more than 1 day, I'd come up with even better ways to spend it ;)

My "letter" to my sister and her new husband

My older sister, Heather got married last Saturday - 9/21/13 - and as her Matron of Honor, I was blessed with the honor of toasting the new couple, among all my other duties.

See, here's the thing. I'm pretty good with words, quite eloquent when writing, if I say so myself ;) The speaking of the words, not so much. If you know me, you know I can be a nervous wreck. I'm a very shy person, until I get to know people and open up, meaning in "real life" it's hard for me to talk to people.

Anyway, I wrote up this awesome little speech, toast, whatever you want to call it, the day before, on the car ride down, while Jason drove. I thought to myself, "Wow! That's so awesome!" LOL. Yes, just a little conceited ;)
Anyway, I showed my mom, and she started tearing up, so I knew it was perfect.

However, Saturday evening, I choked. I could barely get words out as I stood there with the microphone, looking at my beautiful sister and her handsome new husband, and oh yeah, the crowd of over 100 people, many of whom I'd never met!! While I managed to at least touch on some of what I had wanted to say, I didn't read the cards (I actually never intended to read them word for word anyway, but wanted them as a reminder, a back up, if you will).

Since I was unable to give my all and share exactly what I wanted, I thought I'd share here, and hope that my sister actually comes and reads it and shares it with Matt, my newest brother-in-law.

The Happy Couple

First of all, let me just say welcome to everyone who was able to join us today. On behalf of Heather and Matt, I want to say thank you for coming and celebrating this very special day with them as they join their families.

For anyone who doesn't know, I'm Crystal, Heather's baby sister.

For the last 32 years, I've been the most blessed, and luckiest little sister to have Heather to look up to, watching her raise her boys and trusting her advice. She's always been there for me, never judging me. So much more than a sister to me, she's my oldest, dearest, and very best friend.

In the last 2 1/2 years, I've seen such happiness in her. After meeting Matt for the first time, I could see why. He's kind, thoughtful, and patient. Though they seem so different in their interests - Heather with her shopping vs Matt with his hunting and outdoorsy activities, in fact, I never foresaw Heather as one who would own chickens! - they are so perfect for each other (like peas and carrots).

Heather's eyes light up when Matt's around and he puts a smile on her face everyday.

In the traditional marriage vows, we promise to love for better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer. I've seen these two already living these vows and know they will continue to and are meant to be. True soul mates.

Besides, we all know if Matt has been able to stick around through Heather's "worse", he'll be able to handle anything! (Kidding!!)

Also not only am I thrilled to add a new brother but also two beautiful nieces to our family today!

Some age-old advice that Jason and I received so many years ago, that is the best advice we ever got, and rings so true - there is, after all, a reason everyone gives it!:

Never go to bed angry, always say I'm sorry.

Always, always, say I love you and mean it with your whole being. Whether you are leaving for 2 minutes or 2 days, never leave with out saying that simple phrase.  

I'd like to propose a toast:

To my beautiful sister and her handsome husband -

Heather and Matt

Congratulations

and here's to many, many happy years together.

 

P.S. We love you guys very much!!!

Sunday...

After a couple conversations, and some decision making on my part, I'm making some BIG changes! Not going to disclose all the details right now, but it's all for the better.

On that note, yesterday morning we all got up and made pancakes for breakfast. For the first time in months (years?) I exercised! I have a couple of  "Biggest Loser" work-out DVDs and I decided to do the cardio one. 30 minutes - including warm-up and cool-down - of straight moving. I have to say, my leg muscles are hurting today! In a good way, though.

I really wanted to go to Mass yesterday - we haven't been good about it, but it's a special day this Sunday for Alex and I've been wanting to make more of an effort to go - and so we (the 3 boys and I) got ready and made it on time. At one point, Jackson started getting a little fussy, so I knew he and I would have to step out. The way our church is set up, you can stand in the foyer area and see into the sanctuary through several picture windows, so I decided to leave the older boys sitting there by themselves. After all, E will be 11 in July and Alex 8 in about 6 weeks so truthfully they are old enough to sit there. The highlight, though, and the thing that made me truly feel at home at our parish for probably the first time is what happened next. When Jack and I stepped out, I told the older boys to stay in their seats rather than go up for Communion - a blessing in Alex's case. They were fine with that, but as I watched from the other side of the window, they were trying to remember what exactly they should do. The woman sitting in front of us, who teaches Children's Liturgy of the Word, and helps with Catechism classes, turned and had the boys move up by her. She helped them figure out what to do and took them up with her. :) After they went back to their seats, she turned and smiled to me and I mouthed "thank you". Just before Mass ended, Jack and I went back in. The older lady behind us was so kind and said how well behaved they were and what a nice family we have. Seriously made me happy.

They were doing sign-ups for vacation bible school for K-5, but E is technically 5th grade-age, so I explained to the nice lady, mentioning that he's only 10, has Asperger's and would like to go. She was so helpful, talking to him and explaining since it's his first year, that she would recommend him joining in the activities anyway, rather than helping like the other 6th graders and older. She also mentioned that her 10th grader has Asperger's!

Today, I woke up and my legs and back are sore! LOL. I'm taking the day off, and working out again tomorrow. I know as time goes on it will get easier, and I will get stronger and have better endurance. But I also know that I have to listen to my body, and today it says to just relax a bit.

I've been trying to come up with story ideas, but everything I come up with feels all wrong or I can't get it down on paper right. I need a nice, quiet place to go and write for a couple of days and just let the ideas flow. But if I were to get a couple days alone, I'd probably just sleep and do nothing. ;)

Not sure where this post was going when I started it this morning but here's where it ends. No matter what, follow your dreams. Remember you are loved and even when you make mistakes - because NOBODY is perfect - somebody out there looks up to you, or believes in you. You are the only you, and you're special just the way you are. Be kind to one another, because there is enough bad out there in this world. If everyone just tries a little harder to be nice, the world would be a better place.