365 Happy Days: Weeks 2, 3 and 4 - December 7 through 27

I knew there was something I was forgetting to do! I've been sharing daily on Instagram, as well as the blog's facebook page, but haven't been writing a week-in-review post. Sorry about that!

So, without further ado:

Week 2:

Day 8: Dec 7th DONUTS!

The boys were all eating breakfast together with no complaining and no arguing. Pumpkin donuts save the day! ;)

Day 9: Reading together

 It was a long day of school, choi kwan do class and homework. They decided to sit and read a book together about Sitting Bull (Alex's book for his book report)

Day 10: Reese's cups

A little something sweet to put a smile on my face. Probably one of my favorite candies.






 

Day 11: Pancakes!

Day 11: The husband making the pancakes

Jason came home from work, and cooked the homemade whole wheat chocolate chip pancakes for dinner. Teamwork! I prepped the batter, made from scratch, and he cooked awesome, perfectly done pancakes for everybody. And then he went to his college classes! Talk about an awesome husband and dad. He's a busy, busy man. We love him so much!

Day 12: Crossword puzzles

A quick puzzle before bed. I ended up falling asleep trying to do one though!

Day 13: Snuggles

 Cuddles (or snuggles as he calls it now) with this little guy. He was out pretty quick. That was definitely my cue to put him in his room/bed and head to mine.

Day 14: Brothers sharing and learning

Our oldest giving our youngest a tour of our church. There are statues of Jesus, Mary with Jesus, and Saint Francis (one of our parish's patron saints). Here Jackson was asking who that was, and Ethan told him it is baby Jesus with his mom Mary. Jackson said "oh! ok. Hi, Jesus and Mary!".









Week 3:

Day 15: Dec 14 Daddy and Son time

Cuddling and watching a little TV before bedtime. Jackson was talking his ear off, telling him all about something, and sharing his snack crackers with daddy. 

Day 16: chocolate in the best forms ;)

Chocolate chip frappe (yes, a frozen coffee in December in Michigan.) and a double chocolate muffin.

Day 17: family movie

Watching a new-to-us movie called Tangerine Bear.

Day 18: hard at work

 Our middle son, Alex, working diligently on his homework even though it was past his bedtime. He had to read a biography or autobiography, make a timeline and give an oral book report. It was due the following day. The book was long and he didn't anticipate the time needed to finish it and the timeline. It took a month to read the book, and he did the timeline in one night. While I'm proud of him for finishing, and he ended up with a B on the report, we discussed better planning and time-use.

Day 19: Christmas cards

Sending out some Christmas love

Day 20: Date night!

My handsome husband and I got a babysitter on the evening before his birthday. We went out to dinner and then did some Christmas shopping. He makes me very happy. We had such a wonderful few hours, just the two of us. Laughing, sharing some great food, and just talking about stuff. Definitely need to do this more often.

Day 21: New calendar

I love these large-grid planning calendars. There's enough lines for each of us to have a spot to put our activities each month and keep it organized. I also got a great deal on it!






Week 4:

Day 22: Dec 21 Books to donate

Finally took some time to go through all the books the boys own. We moved a ton to Jackson's room, and straightened the 3 shelves on the bookcase in Ethan and Alex's room. There is still a stack on top of it but a lot smaller now. (Time for a taller bookcase!) These 2 stacks are books they didn't want anymore, either because they've read once and don't want to re-read, because they started and didn't enjoy enough to even finish or they are for younger children/lower reading levels. They will be donated to their school as they are all still in good shape - some practically brand new - and age-appropriate for elementary.

Day 23: Littlest Dragon

Jackson has patiently stood on the side lines at Choi, watching his brothers 3 times a week for the last 4 1/2 months, waiting for the chance to jump in. He finally got to start Little Dragons. Classes are 2 days a week for 30 mins and he absolutely loves it!

Day 24: Awesome savings!

I saved up all of my rewards at Meijer and had $68 worth of rewards to use towards my total purchase. Combined with a coupon for $50 off of a $59.99 video game with purchase of game and Xbox 360 and buy one get one 40% off sale on video games, I bought an Xbox 360 and 2 new games for under $150! Not a bad deal.

Day 25: Presents all wrapped and waiting

All the presents for the boys, Jason and I waiting under the tree for Christmas morning.

Day 26: Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from all of us to all of you!!

Day 27: Yoga DVDs

One of my great gifts this year! I had asked Jason for a yoga DVD and he got me a set of 2! I plan to start them this week. I didn't even know I like yoga until I attended my friend Stef's yoga class a couple of months ago.

Day 28: Family time

We spent Christmas Day with Jason's family (no pictures because my phone died!) and Saturday with my family. Both days turned out pretty darn great!
In this picture from Saturday, you can see our youngest, Jackson in the very back, my mom standing on the far right, 2 of my nieces sitting on the couch, my second oldest nephew Jeremy sitting on my niece, and his fiance Anna on the floor. Jeremy and Anna shared with us on Thanksgiving that they are expecting their first child. They revealed on Saturday that it's a BOY! My first great-nephew, due in early May.

Early morning ramblings of a wandering mind

It is nearly 5:30 in the morning. I've been up for over an hour and was tossing and turning before that.

I can't sleep. We have one week left till school starts for our older boys. I keep thinking about all that it entails: the school year itself, what we still need to do before. Our oldest boy, E, the 12 year old, is starting his final year of middle school. Yes, 8th grade. What does that mean? We are thinking about high school. Where will he go? Our current school goes through 12th grade, but there is the public high school near us, a Catholic high school as well as the international academy that offers an International Baccalaureate (IB) diploma. The last is his first choice as of right now so we are looking at application info for January (!). Our middle son, A, is starting 5th so he needs to think about what middle school he wants to attend: our charter school or the public middle school near our home.

We've got a busy week of activities, between a one-to-one brain gym today at 3 and Choi for the boys today, tomorrow and Thurs or Fri, open house at school on Wednesday, Jason starting two of his three classes for this semester tonight after work and then of course normal everyday stuff, like cleaning, grocery shopping, etc.

Plus extended family is on my mind heavily right now. I just keep wishing I could help each and every one of them out with whatever is needed, but have no idea where to start. I can't choose one over another to start helping first and I can't help everybody at once. Not just family either but those close friends that feel like family. Also I know I can't possibly help everybody by myself. My heart hurts.

I had a dream about my grandma during the night, and I think that's what woke me in the first place. I don't recall the details and they aren't important. What is important is that not only did I see her Saturday,but I also talked to her on the telephone for a bit yesterday. For some reason, and I don't know if it's God or my guardian angel whispering in my ear or something else, I just cant stop thinking of her, my uncle Bob and aunt Kay. Feeling like I need to go see them again, right now, and take care of something that's been left undone, but I don't really know what that is. Not a bad thing, either, but like I was supposed to say something, or I'm supposed to do something for Gram. When she called me yesterday, to thank me, I couldn't stop thinking of how I wished I'd have been able to do this all sooner for her. That I don't want any more time to slip away. That all the other things I want to do for her, others, and even myself, well, that I need to just do them, and quit putting them off. I need to stand up and voice my thoughts and offer suggestions, even if they fall on deaf ears, even if they piss someone - no one in particular - off. If I see something that can change or something someone can't do for themselves and I can help with, by physically being there doing it with them - if I had a money tree, I'd give it all away, too - I need to.

My brain just can't stop.

Then I keep thinking about how to plan another get together sooner rather than later. I don't want it to be another year before I see the people I saw Saturday and I also want to see those who couldn't make it. And then there's my mama's family that I haven't seen in months or maybe years for some. I'd like to have a get-together with them soon too.

 Sometimes this is how my mind works. I feel all over the place but each thing is so important to me. And then when I can't fix the problems or do it all, I have a tendency to withdraw or give up or become angry, or irritable towards my little family because I let myself get overwhelmed. Because I don't know how to deal with it all. Because I'm one person but I want to make everything better...

Learning to listen to my gut, figuratively and literally

If you've been following me on Facebook or Instagram - here or here - (or both!), then you know I started a new "journey" almost a month ago. What you may not know is the background and what the outcome is so far.

I had heard of Whole30 in passing on social media before but had never really done any research. One day, I was just sitting here and clicked over to read some more about it. I posed a question on my private FB page as well as the blog page, asking if anyone had done it, or was interested in doing it. I got some great feedback and decided it was worth a try. I ordered the book It Starts With Food: Discover the Whole30 and change your life in unexpected ways. We went on vacation and I read about half of it on the road trip. I was convinced that it was worth trying.

30 days of real fresh food.
No (added) sugar or artificial sweeteners, including honey and maple syrup - added fruit juice is the exception.
No alcohol.
No soy.
No legumes (beans/peanuts/peas/lentils).
No grains (wheat/rice/corn/oats, gluten-free or otherwise, no quinoa, etc).
No dairy.
No "vegetable" or seed oils.

What's left to eat? Meat, including chicken, beef and pork among many others, seafood, and of course eggs. Vegetables and fruits. Healthy saturated fats (read the book and you will understand HOW that is possible!!) like clarified butter/ghee, duck or goat fat, tarrow or lard (!), coconut oil/milk/butter/"meat", olive oil and some nuts and nut butters.

Not so bad!

For nearly 25 full days, I ate really good - minus day 1 when I had soy from my canned tuna, and one day last week when I made the mistake of ordering sweet potato fries at a restaurant. I say mistake because I had made sweet potato fries at home, baked in the oven, with coconut oil and didn't think about it. Of course they were fried at the restaurant, and my brain didn't catch up to my eyes seeing how yummy they looked. Oh well, I only ate a small portion.

I've had some amazing results so far. My digestion has been better, my skin is clearing up on my upper arms where I've had a rash-like acne for years, my shorts are fitting looser, my brain/thinking has been clearer and my sleep has been amazing! I went from having very bad gas as well as weekly issues with *ahem* diarrhea (sorry, TMI) to having little to no gas and not having to use any anti-diarrheal medicine! I've even been told by a couple people - including my awesome MIL - that they see a difference in my size. I honestly can't wait to see my weight at the end of this on the 25th.

I am eating more often, 3 meals a day, and in reality, bigger meals most times, but also so many more veggies and fruit. I feel full and stay full. No real snacking and my cravings are virtually non-existent.

When we started, and I use the word "we" loosely, as my husband and sons are eating most of the same stuff as me for dinner, but are also still eating dairy and grains (mostly at breakfast and lunch) and a little sugar, I thought it would be hard to give all of that up. Especially pop. I was drinking one to two 20-oz Pepsi's a day. Giving it up cold turkey normally gives me a gigantic headache by about day 3 and I give in. This time I did not experience any headaches! I can only attribute that to the fact that I was also feeding my body real food, good-for-me food and my body finally had something to work with. And no, I'm not drinking coffee or tea, either! No caffeine at all for the last 25 days.

As I said above, for nearly 25 full days, I ate this way.

Yesterday, we drove to our hometown in Ohio, and went to a benefit for a friend's mom who is battling cancer. Knowing there may or may not be Whole30 compliant food there, I chose to eat a Larabar before going, and then made the determination to just do the best I could.

At first, it was easy. Pulled pork and shredded beef were available (with bbq sauce on the side, so that was easier, too) and carrots, celery and olives. I had some of the pork w/o sauce, some carrots and a couple of green and black olives. On that note, I realized I do not like whole olives, they are far too salty for me, and I'd much rather have them in a dish or on a salad.

After watching my older two sons and the rest of our family eating the mac and cheese, baked beans, and of course dessert, I thought to myself "What harm could come from having just a little?" I went back for some more food, this time choosing some beef w/o sauce, a small scoop of macaroni and cheese as well as the baked beans, and a small slice of cheesecake. I ate all of it but half of the piece of cheesecake. I felt just fine and figured one meal is okay.

We drove home and I felt very sleepy, which isn't unusual during a car ride for me, and by the time we got home, I was ready for bed. After getting our youngest son changed into pajamas and in bed, and giving hugs and kisses to the older boys, I literally fell into bed.

Fast forward a few hours to the middle of the night, around 3:15. I wake up from a sound sleep in the middle of dream, thinking I heard someone crying. Nope, nobody else is awake. I was wide awake for about 45 mins, just before 4 and then fell asleep until 8:30 when little J actually was calling for us.

This morning, I am feeling the after-effects of eating those things I've abstained from for the past 3 weeks. I could barely open my eyes, don't feel rested at all, and am quite groggy. My brain feels cloudy, if that makes sense. Almost like I was drinking last night. My stomach is a mess, just not feeling 100% and definitely gassy and bloated. :(

While I don't like the way I feel, I am glad I have a little confirmation that certain foods do affect me negatively. It gives me incentive and a renewed drive to continue eating Whole30 or at least paleo.

Change can be hard

even if and when it is needed. Sometimes, the desired change is better in theory than in action.

And, sometimes, maybe, just maybe, that change is much easier than anticipated.

Thankfully, this has been one of those times.

Let me set the stage. Explain how it all started. Way back in January (ha!), I made up a list of goals for each of the boys. Including Jackson. Knowing full well that all of his personal goals for the year would be implemented by mom and dad. Knowing at least a few were huge life changes for such a little guy.

Fast forward to Friday, sometime before 4am, the bazillionth time of Jack waking up, and me just moving him to our bed so I *selfishly* - my words - could get a little more sleep. The kicking, and squirming, and hands in the face started. Not really an ideal situation for any of the three of us to get more sleep. Jason spouted off to me - as nicely as he could for 4am while tired - that I really need to just put him back in his bed, etc. I lost it, telling him, yes that would be nice but he is wide awake now, hates the crib, etc. A *ahem* disagreement ensued, until about 10 mins or so later, Jackson and I headed to the living room to read 9 books (yes I counted!) and then watched Sprout for a bit.

6am rolls around, and Jason is ready to walk out the door and another small discussion occurs. I'm at my wit's end. I just want ALL of us to be happy, comfortable and sleeping well. Jackson doesn't really have a "schedule" when it comes to sleep. I'm tired of sleeping on the couch with him several partial nights a week and Jason doesn't want him in our bed because then he can't sleep for work and school.

After taking the boys to school, Jackson and I got to work. I sorted through the closet and all the garage sale/donation items still in the guest bedroom to make a list for next year's taxes, and placed all the bags and boxes for donation on the front porch temporarily. Then I moved the queen mattress, and box spring to the family room, as it was too heavy to move anywhere else alone. After taking apart the bed frame (just a simple metal frame), and moving that also, Jackson's clean clothes were moved from his dresser to the identical dresser already inside of his closet that was being used for storage. He doesn't have a lot of clothes to hang up, so it's perfect. With how heavy the dresser is, I like it out of his reach. He can't yet open the folding closet doors, so that's a blessing. Since the first dresser was now empty, it was also sat in the family room. Next was Ethan's desk, which got completely cleaned out and sorted through, before finding it's new home - also in the family room, but the only thing moved that will stay there. 3 trash bags and lots of heavy furniture later, the room was almost completely empty. We have a small wooden bedside table that we left, but removed the door and latch from so now it's a good cubby or possibly bookshelf for Jack.

In need of a new bed for Jack, as I know how much he dislikes the crib, he and I searched online and came across a Disney Pixar's Cars bed for less than $70! We are still going to use the crib mattress, and he loved the bed. It turns out Toys R Us carries the bed, as well as the right size bedding also in the Cars theme, so I ordered them to be picked up in store that day. We had to wait until after school to go get them, and when we did we also got another baby gate and a light-up Cars wall art.

When Jason got home, boy, was he surprised to see me putting together a new bed in an almost empty room, as he had no clue what I had planned. He had to help me finish, as it was a bit more difficult than I anticipated, but was a breeze with his help. Thankfully he also made some fish sticks and fries for the boys for a quick dinner.

After the boys had eaten, and we had our own dinner of Zen Salmon and a side salad, it was time to have Jackson check out his room. We moved some toys in there and made his bed all up for him. He climbed right in and laid down for a second. Since he wasn't sure what to think, and said "not bedtime, mommy" I figured, oh boy, this isn't going to be very easy, but we shall see...

Much to my surprise, come 9pm, he willingly went to his room, climbed in bed (coolest part for him I think!) and laid down. "Blanket, pweese, mommy?" All snuggled up, with his monkey by his side, we read a few books, and his eyes got heavy with sleep. After several slow blinks, his eyes opened no more, so I stood to leave after a few more minutes and finishing the book we had started, to ensure he was asleep. I shut off the light, and up popped his little head, with a frantic little voice saying "no mommy! turn on light!" I instead turned on his wall art, and went back to his bedside and sang several nursery rhymes, before running out and resorting to amazing grace and jingle bells :) This time he was surely asleep. I just had to quietly "sneak" out the door, and over the newly placed baby gate (he can open the door, and we don't want him to wander to the basement stairs or something in the dark, his door stays open, we can clearly hear him, and any of us, including his brothers, if need be, can easily lift him out in an emergency.) So now it's 9:30, and he's fast asleep in his own bed, in his own room, and the other two boys are ready for bed too. After "good night's" all around, even mama is tired and heads to bed. I figured I'd be up in a couple of hours with an unhappy toddler.

Well I was right about being up, but very wrong about the reason. He stayed fast asleep. I, however, woke up almost every two hours, worried, and had to peak in on him! He did wake once at 4, needing a diaper change, but it was sort of funny how it happened. I had woken for what felt like the umpteenth time, but just to use the bathroom myself, and on my way there, I walk right by his door. I heard a faint voice talking inaudibly, and then the unmistakable "mommy, diaper? MOMMY, diaper change, pweese?" I quietly entered his room, changed his diaper without taking him out of his bed and therefore barely disturbing him. I don't even think he opened his eyes, and he went right back to sleep until just before six.

Talk about change! I thought, oh it MUST be a fluke. Surely, this barely 25 month old little boy who has needed to cuddle almost every night of his life, couldn't possibly be growing up so much so fast! I mean, he stop nursing less than 2 months ago, had his second birthday just over 6 weeks ago, had thumb surgery on Monday and freaked out a bit after waking from the anesthesia, crying uncontrollably for me until they came and got me - thankfully only a couple of minutes - and now he was willingly going to bed in his own bed. AND sleeping through the night?! Impossible!!

Wow. I've been a fool. I honestly didn't think he was ready. Apparently, having his own "real" bed - as well as room - was what he needed. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to buy him a bed a couple of months ago at a mom-to-mom sale, but Jason had said nah, we didn't need it because he didn't have his own room, he just needed to sleep in the crib. Well we were BOTH wrong. Me for not thinking he was ready, and Jas for thinking the crib was just as good or better than a big boy bed.

Last night went smoothly as well. After watching Free Birds, and having pizza for dinner, Jackson got a quick bath before we sat and watched Ender's Game, during which he bounced back and forth between mom and dad, and even went to lay down for a few minutes. He wasn't ready to fall asleep though and wanted some cuddle time with Jason, during which he fell asleep. After the movie was over, Jason was able to lay him down without waking him - let me tell you what, it's much easier in a small bed than into a crib! - and he slept until about 4am again! After a diaper change, I sang him back to sleep until just after 6 when he woke up yelling "mommy, daddy, move gate?? PWEESE??" Instead, E decided to go in there and play cars and trains and go-go's with him and Alex joined him a few minutes later.

Two days in, and while I still woke a couple times to check on him, I did sleep a bit better myself last night, and he is gaining some confidence and sleeping longer stretches for sure! Plus, it's nice not getting kicked in the head or stomach or back ;)

So we can officially mark off "move to his own room" and "transition to toddler bed" off of Jackson's 2014 goals!! Now just to start potty training...

Oh and an update on his thumb! (This was also on our Health goals for 2014 - "Jackson's thumb surgery") I never shared a post about it, even though I meant to. Monday, we had to drive down to the D to be at the children's hospital there at 6:45, and hit a couple small snags. The first was just a bit of heavy traffic, and then the parking garage cost $3, up front, cash only. Oops, I didn't know that, having never been to this particular hospital, so I had to drive around until I found an ATM, and pull out some cash. That stunk as it cost me an extra $3 ATM fee! After finally parking, we were able to enter, only 30 minutes late now, at this point. My cell phone rings loudly, as I'm trying to contain Jackson's excitement for a new place, and figure out where we are supposed to go. Oh great the hospital calling. I answer, explain what happens and am told to go to admitting/reception to check in and then proceed to the surgical reception area after that. I checked Jack in and read him a couple of books while we wait. Finally, we get called back to fill out the paperwork, and I'm told we have an estimated patient responsibility of blah, blah, blah, will I be paying anything on it today? No, not today - we are STILL dealing with the other hospital mishap in billing for his other surgery, and I'm not interested in making a payment until I know the exact, correct amount from our insurance company and receive an actual bill, besides the fact that it's almost 2k for this... - she says something, half under her breath, about how they really like you to pay something the day of service. Oh, well sorry, don't have it today, I think to myself. She goes back to get something from the printer for me to sign, stating I understand the estimated bill, and here's where to send it, etc, and I hear her talking to another admissions lady. One says "oh, you have one too?" Other "yeah, ugh." something else that sounded like "I hate when they do that." but I couldn't be sure. Oh really? Great customer service so far...

Time to head to the surgical reception area, where we sat for just a few minutes, until called back to the "check-in" pre-op area. He was weighed and measured - almost 30 lbs and just shy of 36 inches - and checked over. The orthopedic surgeon, nurses, anesthesiologist all came over to talk to me and go over what would happen. His thumb was marked and we waited for what felt like just 2 minutes! They had me change him into hospital pants, socks and a gown, but Jackson was angry at me for taking off his car/truck jammies! No gown for him, just pants and socks. Then it was time for mom to put on a gown, cap, and mask - I got to go back with him, while they put him to sleep! YAY! much better, as he did not want me to leave or to leave me. We laid him down, and they put the mask on. He was not happy at all :( He cried and yelled, but was so brave too. After just a few seconds he started to drift off to sleep. I gave him a kiss and was escorted back to the pre-op area. Within 15 minutes, the surgeon came out to tell me the surgery was done, and went well. In just a few minutes, he'd be waking up and they should be able to bring him to me. After what seemed like forever, a nurse came to get me and take me the post-op wake-up recovery room, as he was upset and unable to calm himself. Jackson was very happy to see me, as I was him. He cuddled right up, and stopped crying within moments, drank some juice and fell back asleep. We moved back to the pre-op/recovery area, and waited for a bit. He woke up, had some more juice, and we sat for a few minutes. The nurse came in and checked him over. The anesthesiologist came in and said he was ready to go home :) IV was removed, we got him dressed and went over at-home instructions. He went back at 8:25 and I was signing check-out papers at 9:25!! How's that for awesome!? The morning didn't start out great, but the nurses, doctors and staff (besides admitting) were so kind, helpful and patient! We will definitely be using this hospital for any future needs for any of the boys - which hopefully won't be anytime soon of course.

We were able to remove the gauze in two days, but I did change it once after the first day, as it got quite dirty while he ate. Then the steri-strips fell off on their own by Friday, and the incision is almost completely healed already! They also used that glue stuff to seal it. His thumb and palm were quite swollen and bruised the first couple of days, and the bruising has slowly gone away as well as the swelling. It's still slightly swollen and sore, though no longer purple, and he doesn't like it getting cleaned after meals. We have to be super gentle but I don't want anything getting in there, or it getting infected. Bath time is the easiest time to get it clean of course, so we just do the best we can right after eating, and then clean it well at during his bath and let it kind of soak in the bubbles :) Bubble baths have become our best friend this week! Actually, we had to add more baby bath soap to our grocery list, as we ran out yesterday!

On top of all that, Alex managed to injure his foot on Wednesday during gym class while jumping rope. Instead of stopping, he continued to jump, went through the day limping and walked over to the HS for play rehearsal when it started hurting even worse. He went back to his classroom and then finally to the office to call me to pick him up early from rehearsal (he didn't even last 15 minutes!). I picked him and Ethan up rather than drive back a 3rd time that day to get E at 6:30, and we went home. Making sure his foot was ok, I made him stay off of it for the rest of the day, and sit out of gym class on Thursday. He just pulled or twisted something in the top of his foot when he landed funny on his toes. I let him know that he really should have stopped jumping right away, and kept off of it for a bit until the pain was gone, and that he got very lucky he didn't cause himself serious harm! He promised if anything like that happens again, he'll stop, take a break, and call one of us if necessary, so we can see the dr to make sure it's just a strain. Alex is fine now, and although it did hurt a little yesterday after we left Skyzone, he said it wasn't too bad at all. I reminded him that if he needs to stop jumping rope in gym this week because it hurts again, that's fine! Luckily they have tomorrow off, so he can take it somewhat easy and stay off of it a bit more.

It's been a pretty crazy week! After all that, we spent a whole day ticking things off of our winter fun list! Look for a nice, long post tomorrow for that. We had such a fun family day yesterday, and even though mom and dad are a little under the weather, we made the most of it, that's for sure. Jason is at City Airport for little while today, and plans to go tomorrow for a while too - he's off of work for the holiday at his regular job - so we are just having a lazy morning around here. Grocery shopping in a bit, maybe after Jason gets home, by myself. I don't know that we could all survive a busy Sunday morning grocery store visit. Although, they could help pick out things they want for snacks...
 

What I wore: Dressember #RealMomStyle

Since I'm doing Dressember this month, I've chosen to wear a dress Every.Single.Day. 

No big deal, right? 

Well most people who know me (and as I've shared here) I'm typically a jeans and T-shirt girl. Its the rare occasion that I dress up, especially the last few years as I've been struggling with my weight. The nice thing about doing the month-long commitment is that I'm doing something good and its getting me to take care of myself better. I have actually been caring more about my appearance and am having fun with this. I'm rotating between 7 different dresses and trying to change up how I wear (most) of them, whether it's a different pair of shoes or tights, some jewelry, a skirt over the dress, etc. 

Anyway, today was a pretty good day and we (the 3 boys and I) made it to 10am Mass at our parish. Its been far too long and we are trying to make an effort to change that. All three boys were very well-behaved. Alex got to go to the children's liturgy for ages 3-9 during the readings, Gospel and homily. E stayed with me and followed along nicely in the book. Jack sat on my lap and didn't mind being held. No crying and minimal talking and that was just me ;) In all seriousness though, Jack was quiet and when he did talk it was not horribly disruptive and got a few chuckles, even from Father Chris. He even used Jackson (by name) as an example of how to be, seeing everything in the world with wonder. 

On to what I wore today:

3/4 sleeve boho dress in Reddy Set Go (red)from Old Navy
Super opaque control top tights in Deep Red - No Nonsense from Meijer
Brown belt from Walmart
Andie tan fashion bootie SM New York from Sears

Linking up over at Thrifty and Chic Mom :)

Remember that I'm wearing dresses everyday for #dressember this month to help support a great cause, to raise awareness to end human trafficking and to raise money to support International Justice Mission in it's efforts to rescue victims of slavery and trafficking. Please consider donating, even just $1 can help! Go here to donate to my fundraiser: http://www.ijmfreedommaker.org/account/6874/Crystal-Hamernik#

Little Miss Suzie Homemaker and Dressember

 A few months ago, I heard about International Justice Mission and I started following them on Facebook. There's been many stories of human trafficking in recent years, even from around here, and my hometown is said to be one of the biggest areas for it!

When I saw IJM post last week about a campaign called Dressember, I read a little more about it, and thought to myself "Hey, I could do that!"

I have the freedom to wear what I want and do as I please (for the most part). It's cold here in Michigan this month, but that just means layers and tights. Besides, being cold just reminds me a bit more of the WHY behind wearing the dresses. Others have noticed what I'm wearing, and after the compliments, they ask why I'm dressed up. This has opened up conversations with a few people and they were surprised!

I think the biggest reason they want to know why I'm dressed up is because I've always been a jeans and t-shirt girl.

It's funny how that works though. There's been an unexpected side effect of this, even only 3 days in. Having always felt most comfortable in jeans, I'm finding that I feel differently about myself.

The perspective you get when wearing a skirt or a dress can be eye-opening. I feel more comfortable, even in heels, though I prefer my flats. I feel pretty, self-confident, feminine. Others pick up on that. They notice not just what you're wearing, but the attitude.

I'm having a lot of fun deciding on my outfit and accessories each morning. Taking seven dresses and changing the looks up to make a month's worth of clothes is challenging, in a good way! It's taking creativity already!

Hi-low dress (Walmart), sweater (Torrid), silver tights and leopard-print flats (for inside) (Old Navy), boots for outside

Also finding how easy it is to do anything in a dress is entertaining. Baby J and I went grocery shopping yesterday, something I've never done in heels and a dress (not weekly grocery shopping anyway, for over an hour!) and it was interesting, the looks from people. Not bad, just hmm...

Jason laughed at me yesterday when I took out the trash all dressed up, and then today I threw on an apron while I did dishes and laundry to keep my dress clean. If it had been jeans and a t-shirt, I wouldn't have bothered. I wouldn't have cared. I actually feel more pride in my appearance, not in a stuck-up way, but a "hey I deserve to take care of myself and look nice" kind of way, I guess.

Apron from dollar spot at Target! (around Valentine's Day a few years ago)

So not only do I feel like I'm doing something good for somebody else, it's making me feel better about myself, too! :)

When it gets the best of me...

When Ethan and Alex were babies, they slept through the night at a very young age. I'm talking 10 hours before 12 weeks old. I'm not saying this to make others jealous, or wonder what they are doing differently. In fact, in so many ways, I wish they hadn't been such "good" sleepers. Ethan actually started by about 6 weeks or so sleeping very long stretches after having been a pretty sleepy baby and having jaundice for over a month anyway. I think had we been successful with breastfeeding it would have been a much different story, not in a bad or good way, just different. I try not to beat myself up about that, I did what I could, the best I could, for as long as I could at that time, and then we did what was right at that time for our boys. Looking back, it wouldn't have made a difference, at least for E. I was worried he wasn't gaining weight, but he's still very thin and on the taller side. But minimal education and experience with breastfeeding, coupled with some PPD and major anxiety, not eating enough, drinking enough water, or resting enough, I really couldn't breastfeed him with the resources I had. By the time Alex was born, I had already been through the struggle and switch to formula, so I prepared myself for "failure" and when it became the same struggle, I did what was right for us at the time, again. *Note: just because you decide not to breastfeed, or choose to stop at anytime and use formula does NOT make you a failure. I was a failure, in my own mind, for not succeeding in something I had set my mind to do. Please, please know this is not a judgement on anyone, but just how I felt about MYSELF at the time*

Actually I've gone off on a tangent, so back to my topic at hand. Even though E and Alex slept so well, I did not. I was up probably once an hour checking on them in their bassinet, while they were still there till about 12 weeks, and then in their crib in their own room. When Alex was a baby, he and Ethan shared a room, with E in his toddler bed and then twin bed. Even after that point, when I would go in to check on Alex, I HAD to check on Ethan. I was driven by an unseen force within myself to make sure they were ok. It wasn't enough to see the rise and fall of their little chest, I had to lay my hand gently on their tummy and feel them breathing. Every. Hour. Of. Every. Night. For. Years. Probably until about the time Alex was 2 or so.

Fast forward to when Jackson was born. He's only recently started sleeping through the night on a more consistent basis. In fact for the first 5 or 6 months, the only way either of us got any sleep was if we co-slept on the reclining couch in the living room and that happened nearly every night and for many more over the next several months. Even when he would sleep in the crib for a few hours, I was never as anxious as I was with the older two.

He's been sleeping maybe 10 or so hours a night 2-3 nights a week and 6-7 most other nights. It's been nice and the transition has been peaceful. My anxiety hadn't seemed to rear it's ugly head.

The other night, I was lying in bed, unable to sleep and listening to Jas snoring and the soft, stuffy-nose breathing of my toddler, my mind began racing. Something made me get up. It was silly, really, and totally unnecessary. But I needed to check on Ethan and Alex, make sure they were ok. I needed to see and feel their chests rising as they breathed so slowly in their sleep, dreaming away in their cozy beds.

After checking on them, and knowing they were just fine, I went back to bed and was finally able to sleep.

Since then, I've been thinking. I had thought my anxiety had gone, but now I realize something. It's never gone anywhere, it's transformed. It's come out in a different way.

I worry about how their day is at school. Up until recently, when I drop them off in the morning, I'd walk them both in and make sure they made it to their lockers or classroom door. Even now, when I just drop them off in the parking lot, I catch myself watching them walk into the building before I pull away (luckily, it's a short walk and I have to wait for the automatic van door to close, so I'm not being an a*%hole and holding up the line for a super-long time).

I panic when they ride the 4-wheeler/atv or mini-bike at my in-laws. The whole time they (just the older 2 go right now) are down there for a week or several days in the summer, I worry that they will get lost or run away from their grandparents, or get hurt, or whatever *Note: this is in no way because of my in-laws, I trust them implicitly with our boys. I just have an irrational fear of them being hurt and me not being there to comfort them, or worse :( *

At the first sign of a cough or sickness, in my head, I panic. I wonder if it's some strange illness and if they will be ok. If they say they have a headache or a tummy-ache, my mind shoots right to the worst possibility.

Even though, every day, this anxiety threatens to overwhelm me, I've learned to control it in someways.

My stomach churns, my heart races, I feel dizzy or like I have the chills, but outwardly I try my best to stay calm. It's not always possible, but I'm trying. I keep the concerns about serious illness or injury to myself and just watch, wait and take them to the doctor if needed, never mentioning to them and giving them undue concern. I let them continue to ride the atv and mini-bike, all the while standing there with fist clenched, and willing them to slow down a bit.

I will not let MY anxiety and fear hold them back. I may already have in someways, but no more. They must have fun and be children and enjoy life while learning and growing up, but not too fast. I need to enjoy them and my own life.

It's not even just about them, the anxiety, the worries. I panic when I haven't heard from Jason if he goes somewhere and says "I'll be home in a few hours" or by such and such time. I call him, and text him, not to annoy him, or because I don't trust him, but because I worry about him. He is my everything. My life. My love. My world. Without him, I am only half a person.

I worry about my parents, especially my dad. So when my mom calls at an odd time, or tries to reach me on both phones and with a text, I automatically think he's ill or in the hospital.

I worry about silly things. I worry about serious things. I panic when we go over a certain bridge in Ohio, especially if the wind is bad. I have a fear of drowning in the car. An overwhelming, irrational fear. I don't have the best night vision, so it's hard for me to drive when it's dark, and I try to overcompensate and I panic a little, driving slower and stiffly at the wheel. At night and in the rain or snow, I won't even attempt unless there's absolutely no way around it. I can't stand near the edge of a cliff or even by the windows of a very high building looking out with out being dizzy or starting to panic. Elevators freak me out a bit, especially when a certain someone decides it's funny to jump up and down in them. Rationally, I know the elevator is safe and won't break from that. But I'm not usually rational in that moment, and I get a lump in my throat and my heart starts racing. How do I explain that? Because after, when I'm calm and collected on the inside like I am on the outside, I KNOW it's really ok, but I want him to understand how I feel in the moment and why I say please don't do that.

I think sometimes my anxiety comes out in anger towards the boys. I want to keep them safe, so when they don't listen or do something that could cause them harm, I get mad and yell. Mind you, it's not always an actual safety issue. It could be them running through the house, and for me, I foresee them running into something, or tripping and bumping their head. I'm not saying they should be running in the house ;) but it's probably not as big of a deal as I make it out to be.

So even after thinking for so long that I had beaten it, that I had gotten the better of it, at least in someways, I really just hide it better, keep it inside better, deal with it better. It's getting worse again though. So if you see me start to panic, look me in the eye and remind me that it's all ok. I'm safe. They are safe. And give me a hug. Because sometimes that's all I really need. Right then. From you. Whoever you are.

All I want and all I NEED!

Yeah. This.

Even if he was making fun of the song, doing a little weird dance ;)

I love you, Jason!!!!!!!

Change of plans

Meal plans that is!

If you've been following us for a while, you'll know that about a month ago, we decided to give the paleo diet a trial, including using the emeals paleo meal plan.

We've tried many a new recipe during the last month, some we liked, some we didn't. Technically, we only followed the paleo guidelines for one meal a day, as the breakfast and lunch menus we were using had more classic-style meals with grains included.

About 3 weeks in, Jackson started to eat less and less of the dinners, and while I know many will say, oh he won't starve himself, etc, it became a struggle to get him to eat even one bite some nights. No veggies and very little meat. He has also cut back a lot on nursing, some days not even nursing at all. Needless to say, he would need to eat something, and would usually have a small snack an hour or so after dinner. By the beginning of the fourth week, I was resorting to something I did not want to do - making a separate meal for him.

Jason and I decided to switch the emeals plan to classic and also throw some of our old stand-by's in there (tacos, spaghetti, burgers).

We do have some new favorites and a lot of different types of veggies we will be eating more often so at least our diets are more varied than ever before.

The older boys were quite adventurous when it came to eating the meals, trying at least on bite of everything served to them. Even if they didn't like something, they were very polite about it and honest about what they didn't like - too sour, too spicy, etc.

While we only gave it a few weeks, we did learn it just isn't right for us at this stage of our lives. Sometimes you just have to know when enough is enough.  The toddler has hit that stage where he wants familiarity. And there's nothing wrong with that. I just have to make sure it's healthy and decent variety.

I am still glad we decided to try the menu planning site though, as there have been many, many recipes that I would never have found or tried otherwise.

On that note, we had Italian bread pizzas tonight made with freshly shredded mozzarella and turkey pepperoni (I didn't like the pepperoni very much...). Ethan, Alex and Jackson all had cranberry-cream cheese coffee cake for breakfast. It wasn't really a huge hit, although Alex seemed to really like it. Jason took some broccoli, ham and cheese corn muffins to work. Alex took some of the muffins, yogurt in a thermos, sliced pears and water, E had a turkey and cheese on whole wheat, yogurt in a thermos, sliced pears and water, and Jackson had a pb&j on whole wheat - cut into the shape of Elmo's head! - and orange juice. Oh and I stuck a kit-kat in each of the boys' lunch bags.

We still have some candy sorting and trading to do and then they can decide if they'd like a gift card or a toy for the candy they can't have. I also picked up some dye-free (organic!) suckers and gummy bears that they like, as well as some yogurt-covered pretzels that they can trade some of the candy for. I've been thinking we will keep the m&m's, skittles, and sweet tarts to use for a gingerbread house in December. Maybe we can send some of the rest of their candy to soldiers overseas? I wouldn't even know where to start with that, though.

Haircut day at the Hamers' house

Jason asked this morning if he should take the boys to get their hair cut, because he would like to get his done. That was my hint ;) 

One way that I like to try and save money is giving haircuts to the boys at home. At $10-12 (plus gratuity!) a pop times 4 guys (3 boys and Dad), it adds up quick every 2-3 weeks. 

I refuse to do Jason's because I'm always worried I will mess up the back hairline, so he still goes to the barber/salon. I've done it before, but it always causes an argument because I'm nervous and he has 100% confidence in me.

The boys are a lot easier. They get a buzz cut using the #3 on Dad's clippers. No fuss, no muss. I usually don't bother trimming the hairline

They all do pretty good too. Even Jackson. 

None of them - well, the older two - like their hair long anyway, so it's never a struggle when I suggest. Jackson watched me give them haircuts and then sat very still on the step stool in the half bathroom just like them so I could cut his. 

Now if I could just figure out how to trim my own...

Here's a pic of my handsome boys!
 

From L: Ethan (11), Jackson (22 months), Alex (8)

Need exciting topics or ideas ;)

 

 

Not sure how we managed it but we did.

Jack and I went grocery shopping while the older two boys were at catechism class. I dropped them off at 9 and drove over to the store - about a 10-15 minute drive. I didn't have the menu/list completely set (even though we are using emeals, there are always at least a couple meals we don't like or we need to adjust to our tastes, and then I have to combine breakfast, lunch and dinner items plus snacks and staples like milk on the actual list) so we sat in the car while I finished that and Jack listened to the kids' music. We didn't get in the store until 9:40, got a weeks' (plus some!) worth of groceries and checked out in 1 hour and 2 minutes! NEVER happens!

Pulled up at the school to get them right as class was letting out and we went in and talked to the teachers for a second. Alex is going to do scouting for food next Saturday so neither E nor Alex will be in catechism class next week. I did get an opportunity to find out how both boys are doing. E is "repeating" 6th grade this year, as Jas and I didn't feel he was ready for the commitment needed for Confirmation 1 classes and since he's only 11, it's no big deal. He has the same teacher he had last year, and his teacher said he is doing great and participating nicely! That's so great. Alex's teacher is a high school student and we know her somewhat. She's really nice and said that even though the class is a talkative bunch they are going through the book at a record pace and are over halfway through it. They played a game today for most of class, while learning about the 4 Gospels.

After going home and the boys helping me unload the car and put groceries away, we decided to go to lunch at the pizza buffet... I always forget how my stomach feels after eating there, even when I eat moderately. It's just NOT good for me :(

The boys needed some new clothes and Meijer had some good sales today, so we went shopping and got a bunch of shirts for Jack, some shirts, jammies, sweatpants and jeans each for Alex and Ethan. Since we haven't gone trick-or-treating yet, and the candy was 50% off, we picked up a bag of Reese's pb cups and 2 small bags of mini Snickers. Probably shouldn't have, but it's all good. Moderation. ;)

I need a good topic to write about tomorrow, I feel like I'm boring today... LOL